Happy Thanksgiving!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my wonderful readers who are caring for aging parents and a double blessing to you GenSandwichers who still have children at home and are caring for your parents. I pray God's richest blessings upon you this Thanksgiving.
I've just returned from five days at Mom's, a visit that included both medical appointments and a big family dinner. While everyone helped with the dinner, we still haven't trained the sibs to stay for clean up. Almost everyone suddenly had to leave before we even started dishes and putting away the leftovers. In all fairness, there was a storm coming in and those who had traveled felt the need to get on the road before it hit. I was grateful for my brother who stayed and helped to the very end. I can tell I'm getting older. But the end of the day, and through the next day, I could barely move.
While it was important to give Mom a full Thanksgiving dinner with her whole family, I find that it's getting harder and harder to manage it. I feel conflicted and in a no-win situation. I want to make it nice for Mom -- who knows which holiday will be her last. But I find I resent sibs who consistently make excuses for not pitching in and contributing a fair share. I honestly don't have any more energy than they do, but I guess I'm just stubborn enough to tough through it -- to my detriment.
How do you mange holidays at your house? I'd love some suggestions for honoring Mom while maintaining my own health and well-being in a situation where agreeing on responsibilities in advance hasn't worked.
Labels: aging, family, siblings, Thanksgiving
4 comment(s):
Happy Thanksgiving to you too! We look forward to more of your intersting and informative posts. Have a great holiday!
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By
firstSTREET, at
10:33 AM
Well, I know how you feel. I gave up on doing any dinners here. Or anything else. I have to cook the dinner, care for mom and clean up. With little or no help from anyone. The last family thing we had I ask my brother to feed mom and he said I don't want to. I also ask my sis to put her to bed but she said she had to leave because my brother was starting to be mean to her. So this yr. I did nothing. No food no family nothing. Just me and mom. I have to admit I got lonely a few times. But I also relaxed injoyed knowing no one was coming today. NO aid, nurse, chaplin, social worker. But my son is bringing me leftovers from his girlfriends house . So I will have some turkey. This is not good advice but this is what we did this yr.
By
karen, at
6:11 PM
My Mom had a terrible stroke 2 years ago and has no use of the left side, my Dad is 82 years old and overwhelmed by all of this and he is showing his age. We have a caregiver every day from 9:00-2:00 and then 4:00 - 8:00pm. On holidays we (my 3 sisters and all spouses and children) decend on my parents house. I do all the pre-party cleaning, organizing, and the cooking. I don't get a whole lot of help even during the normal weeks so I really dont expect any during holidays!!! We tried our first holiday the Easter Sunday after my Mom came home from the hospital. I cooked & took care of all kitchen responsibilites and was expecting my sisters (2 whom are nurses) to help out with Mom...well you can figure out how that went!!! They were having a good time visiting each other...so no one saw to Mom and Dads needs except me. That set the wheels in motion. I told them all that if we were going to have holidays then either they all care for Mom & Dad while I handle the cooking, cleaning, & all other chores, or we are going to have one of our caregivers work @doubletime and they are going to pay her wages for that day!! They stepped up and have been dividing the caregiving, medications, bathrooming, bedtime between the three of them. Seemed to work wonders when it involved their pocketbooks!!
By
Anonymous, at
5:44 PM
Thanks ladies. Looks like I'm not alone in my dilemma. I remain mystified how some sibs can be so unthinking, unseeing. Bless you for the ministry you offer your parents. Have a wonderful 2011 and stay in touch here.
By
Pat, at
10:24 AM
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