What Older Women Do…
I was talking with a friend today, musing about another friend who is moving out of state and wondering how she’ll find making friends in her mid-fifties. Seems that the older we get, the harder it is to break into established cliques so it takes longer to blend in. Then we started talking about some of the things Mom said while she was here, talking about what older women do—and what we want to avoid.Mom said that when she goes on a bus trip or to a Bingo game, the women seem to think they have assigned seats. She’ll try to sit down and be told, “Oh you can’t sit here. That’s Mabel’s seat.” She’ll try another seat and get the same response. The cliques are well established. Pretty soon she’s sitting off on the side by herself.
Mom frets and worries about everything. She was up at 6:00 this morning so she could be ready for our 9:00 departure to the train. She was dressed before I was even up. She didn’t want to be late, you know.
She tries to remain independent by doing things that either we can do easier and faster, or more importantly, safer. In doing so, she puts herself at risk. I get so frustrated, but I understand that she doesn’t want to become dependent. She mentioned that she needs to clean the gutters on her home. I suggested she might want to hire someone. At 86, she doesn’t need to be climbing ladders! No, she thinks she can do it.
She’s also unwilling to ask for help. We had to insist that she ask the conductors to help with her luggage. I know that’s common to her generation, but it’s so frustrating. You know that people would be happy to help a sweet little old lady if only she’d let them.
So, we’re wondering as we’re aging, what we can do to avoid becoming like so many older women—stubborn, petty, controlling, and set in our ways. How do we remain flexible, gracious, and confident? We know that we are becoming the older women we will be. What steps can we take now to become the women we want to be?
Labels: aging parents, women
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Who Will Fund Your Retirement?
A study from the Harvard University Generations Policy Program edited by Paul Hodge, Chair, Global Generations Policy Institute, suggests that the aging of America’s baby boomer women is the most urgent issue facing our nation in the 21st century.He points that that since women spend more of their years in care-giving for both children and aging parents, they have less time to build for retirement. In addition, women generally earn less than men.
There’s really nothing new in this study. It reinforces what we’ve known for years. What it can do, however, is serve as a reminder to Gen Sandwich women (and men) to plan for our own retirement. Don’t count on Social Security, which penalizes those who move in and out of the workforce and which may not be solvent by the time we get there anyway. (What we know for sure is that there will be a lot of Boomer retirees and far fewer workers to support us, so the prognosis for Social Security isn’t one I plan to bank on.)
Anything you can do to take control of your retirement fund will pay off in the long run. Invest a little each month in your own IRA. You’ll be amazed at what a small amount, invested regularly, will grow into when it can accumulate free from taxes and can reap the power of compounding. And the earlier you start, the better off you’ll be. We started investing very small amounts in our 30s and have watched those IRAs grow into sizable nest eggs for our retirement.
It’s not depending on the government that’s going to give you security as you age. Government policies can change overnight, blown as they are by the winds of politics. This nation was founded on individual responsibility, and that’s what will give us the best hope for our retirement.
Labels: Baby Boomers, retirement, sandwich generation, Social Security, women
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Strategies for the "Sandwich Generation"
Karyn McCormack, in an article for BusinessWeek.com, offers several strategies for the Gen Sandwichers.She notes that the costs for the Gen Sandwichers can add up, even if your parents have saved for their own future care. The reality is, their generation is living longer—many into their 90s--thanks to better health care, and the cost for that care is rising.
McCormack notes that the average cost for a nursing home stay in 2005 was $64,000 a year—or about $176 per day—for a semi-private room. In my step dad’s case, the cost was $205 per day, plus lots of extras—and he doesn’t live in an urban area.
About the time Gen Sandwichers are coughing up an average of $21,235 for college tuition (per child), they’re also losing money as they take time away from work to care for their aging parents. “On average, 18 hours a week are devoted to care,” says Patti Brennan, president of Key Financial, a financial planning firm in West Chester, Pa.
McCormack points out that many caregivers, who tend to be women, must either leave their full-time jobs or work part time and give up important benefits. They might also turn down promotions and the higher salary that comes with them because they can't devote the necessary time for additional work responsibilities.
According to Brennan, “On average, care costs an estimated $659,000 during a person's lifetime in reduced salary, lower 401(k) contribution, and lost retirement and health benefits.”
Elder care can take a psychological and emotional toll, because not all siblings and family members will agree on how to take care of a parent, who will be the primary caregiver, and who will pay for it.
To avoid disaster, McCormak says that caregivers need to get their own finances and retirement plan in order. Especially when children are in the mix, caregivers must set priorities and have open communication with their entire family to figure out ways to share the financial, emotional, and time burdens.
Her article discusses seven tips to cope with being sandwiched:
1. Don't dip into your retirement savings.
2. Start a college savings plan for your children.
3. Make sure your parents have long-term care insurance.
4. Establish a durable power of attorney, a health-care directive, and update wills.
5. Take inventory of your parents' assets and consolidate accounts.
6. Seek help from social services and elder law attorneys.
7. Continue saving despite family obligations and control debt.
Labels: adult children, college, finances, nursing home costs, sandwich generation, women