Sometimes I Feel Like a Piece of Bologna

What Older Women Do…

I was talking with a friend today, musing about another friend who is moving out of state and wondering how she’ll find making friends in her mid-fifties. Seems that the older we get, the harder it is to break into established cliques so it takes longer to blend in. Then we started talking about some of the things Mom said while she was here, talking about what older women do—and what we want to avoid.

Mom said that when she goes on a bus trip or to a Bingo game, the women seem to think they have assigned seats. She’ll try to sit down and be told, “Oh you can’t sit here. That’s Mabel’s seat.” She’ll try another seat and get the same response. The cliques are well established. Pretty soon she’s sitting off on the side by herself.

Mom frets and worries about everything. She was up at 6:00 this morning so she could be ready for our 9:00 departure to the train. She was dressed before I was even up. She didn’t want to be late, you know.

She tries to remain independent by doing things that either we can do easier and faster, or more importantly, safer. In doing so, she puts herself at risk. I get so frustrated, but I understand that she doesn’t want to become dependent. She mentioned that she needs to clean the gutters on her home. I suggested she might want to hire someone. At 86, she doesn’t need to be climbing ladders! No, she thinks she can do it.

She’s also unwilling to ask for help. We had to insist that she ask the conductors to help with her luggage. I know that’s common to her generation, but it’s so frustrating. You know that people would be happy to help a sweet little old lady if only she’d let them.

So, we’re wondering as we’re aging, what we can do to avoid becoming like so many older women—stubborn, petty, controlling, and set in our ways. How do we remain flexible, gracious, and confident? We know that we are becoming the older women we will be. What steps can we take now to become the women we want to be?

Labels: aging parents, women