Financial Power of Attorney
About a month ago I wrote about the problems of managing Mom’s finances with the durable power of attorney that we had. When I went to Mom’s this week, we met with her attorney and he added me to the trust as co-owner. He said he’s seeing more requests for this type of change as more financial institutions are requiring more than they used to. It was easy—just added my name, reprinted the page, and had it notarized. Our attorney doesn’t even charge for minor changes like this.Of course, in order to do this, your parent will have to trust you implicitly, or as one of my commenter mentioned, not care. It’s a huge responsibility, but it will certainly make managing Mom’s finances easier.
Labels: finances, legal responsibility
Sunday, May 20, 2007
The Business of Death
It’s been a busy week. My hubby and I went over to Mom’s and had a marathon three days of attorney, banking, insurance, and medical appointments. It’s amazing when I go over there. I seem to forget life here. I even forgot to call home for messages. But we sure got a lot done. We met with the attorney and found out what we needed to do. Mom had saved all of the forms that came in—insurance, pension, IRA, change of beneficiary forms, etc.-- and we were able to deal with all of them. And then we met with her doctor. He’s finally taking some of her complaints seriously, so now I need to schedule a week over there for some tests.One thing I learned is that there is almost nothing I can do without being at Mom’s. Every call required her to get on the phone and give permission for them to talk to me. Since she doesn’t hear well, it was almost a comedy of errors, them trying to talk to her, her not being able to understand, and my telling her the answer to give them in order for them to talk to me! We got it all done, but it was a nuisance and there’s nothing I can do without her being right there with me.
One advisor recommended that she put me on as co-owner of her trust so I would have equal ability to make decisions. So, tomorrow I need to call the attorney again and see what he thinks and what that really means. I’m learning so much! And nothing I really wanted to know…
Labels: death, legal responsibility, long term care insurance
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Responsibility to Care for Parents
According to the California 3rd District Court of Appeals, adult children have a legal responsibility to provide reasonable a care for their aging parents.It’s sad that we need laws and courts to enforce what, in most societies, is the norm. Even all the discussion about being part of Gen Sandwich assumes that caring for aging parents and children is a burden. Underlying most of the literature and blogs is the assumption that this care interferes with my right to “my” life. I confess I sometimes feel that way when I’m feeling smooshed between conflicting demands. But is that wrong? Normal? Cultural?
I love the attitude of Patricia in Washing the Feet of the Saints. Read her November 25 and 29 posts. Would that more of us had her heart of service. Would that I had her heart of service more often.
Recently we visited a Native American pueblo in New Mexico. While on the tour, someone asked what happens to the elderly in their community. The tour guide responded matter-of-factly that they are cared for in the home of one of their children or grandchildren. “They cared for us when we were babies, so we take care of them when they are babies.”
This reminds me of a phrase we often said when our son was growing up. When we’d do something especially nice for him, we’d joke, “We’re being good to you when you’re little so that you’ll be good to us when we’re little.” We sort of assumed we were just talking about the period we’re in now, when he’s physically bigger than us and off living his own life. And so far, he is pretty good to us.
But the bigger question is how he’ll treat us when we are old and frail. When we need the type of help my parents need now. We can only hope that he takes note of how we care for them, and will do at least that much for us. Maybe more.
Labels: adult children, aging parents, legal responsibility, sandwich generation