The Face in the Mirror
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Seriously. What do you see? A tired, worn out GenSandwich face or a joyful person?
My life seems to move three times as fast as I'd like it to. Like you, I juggle work, school, family, and an aging parent. What I noticed was that my face had taken on a permanent droop. The edges were turned down into a permanent scowl. I wasn’t really mad – just looked mad. And old.
So I made a decision. I was going to smile. I was going to look happy whether I felt like it or not. No need to make everyone else miserable, even if I was. Throughout the day, I'd remind myself to SMILE. And you know what? I not only looked better, I FELT better.
At first it was hard. I was using muscles that hadn’t been used very often. But not it’s almost second nature. No, I don’t smile all the time, but I sure smile more and longer than I used to. Feels good.
I've heard that you can’t smile and be unhappy at the same time. That it’s a physical impossibility. That a smile actually activates something in the brain that requires a mood to match the face. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know that as soon as I make my face smile, my mood improves. And I look a lot better too. Try it. Let me know how it works.
Labels: attitude, frown, smile
Monday, November 15, 2010
Do We Become More Negative with Age?
My mom has always been negative. She’s always been a victim. So why does it bother me so much now? Is it getting worse, or am I just growing weary of it? Hard to know…
I find that it doesn’t matter what I say to her. She finds a way to give it a negative spin. Last week we invited a young couple to lunch. They are our son’s age—late 20s—and he was one of my writing students. His parents recently died, so we invited them for lunch. I mentioned it to Mom. Her response: “Why would they want to have lunch with you? You’re too old.” Excuse me! I get along just fine with young people. We had a lovely time. But it stung to think that Moms first response was critical.
I could go on and on, but then I’d be negative too. Just once I’d love for my mom to delight with me. To rejoice with me. To celebrate me and what I do. I guess the good news is that her attitude has caused me to work extra hard a being positive with my son and DIL. When they come, we celebrate them. When we talk on the phone, I encourage them even when I know I’d have done it differently. I want them to know I’m on their side, no matter what.
So what do you do with a negative parent? And how do we avoid becoming one? I’ve tried correcting, cajoling, and countering Mom. She just gets upset. So now I just ignore here and move on. And meanwhile, I remember that I’m becoming the old woman I will be. So I’m developing an attitude of gratitude and a positive mindset. What do you do?
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
Labels: aging, aging parents, attitude, critical
Monday, November 20, 2006
Attitudes on Aging and Loss
While at Mom’s, we talked about the many losses she’s faced this year. Dad has been in care for almost a year and a half. They’ve lost their hopes and dreams of traveling, enjoying the remaining years of their lives together, doing the things they enjoy. They’ve lost many friends this year. Finances are getting tight. It’s hard for her to look forward to what lies ahead when all she sees is what she’s lost.I try to encourage her to find joy in life, to be thankful for what they still have together, to enjoy their memories, and to take care of herself. I see the fruit of depression in her aches and pains and her outlook on life. I printed out the American Heart Association’s Caregiver Manual and encouraged her to read it and work through some of the journal pages. I doubt that she will, but I keep trying.
As I’ve watched her this year and as I’ve faced my own health issues, I’m making a concerted effort to focus on what I CAN do and what I DO have to look forward to. I want to be a delightful older woman, not a depressed or cranky one. I can’t control the circumstances I’ll face, but I want to control the way I face my circumstances. An important skill for Gen Sandwichers who want to avoid feeling smooshed.
Labels: aging parents, attitude, loss, sandwich generation, self care