Sometimes I Feel Like a Piece of Bologna

Don’t Delay Filing for Medicare

2012-01-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

Did you know that there is a penalty if you don’t file for Medicare in your 65th year? I didn’t. According to this article, the government will penalize you 10 percent per year for every year after 65 that you delay filing. If you’ve filed for Social Security, you’ll be automatically enrolled, but if you are continuing to work, be sure to check on the rules and file on time.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr.com/Patrick Doheny

Life Alert or Lifeline

2012-01-04T22:16:00.000-08:00

If you’re a long distance caregiver for an elderly parent, you’ll want to contract with one of these services for emergency medical alert service. You’ve seen the commercials or ads. The client wears a push-button system on a neck cord or bracelet. If she needs help, she simply pushes the button and the service responds. It can then call an ambulance or a contact person. Some of the services even have a fall monitor so if they client falls and loses consciousness, the service is alerted.

So here’s the question: how do you decide? Let me share our experience to give you some insights. My mom sprained her ankle a few years ago while we were traveling. My brother had to make some quick decisions. He called Life Alert and signed up for their service. They required a three-year contract and payment of almost $300 for their equipment, plus almost $60 per month. I don’t think he realized there were options, so he signed. Fortunately, she never had to use it, but we rested better knowing she had it.

The three-year contract period was recently over, so we decided to see if we could find something less expensive. We had seen cheaper services advertised. I talked to a local home care provider, who recommended Lifeline. I learned that Lifeline is managed through the local hospital, so we’re dealing with a local representative. They don’t charge an equipment fee. They don’t require a contract. They install for free. And their monthly fee is considerably less than that of Life Alert. Of course, we signed up. Then the “fun” began.

I called Life Alert to cancel the service. I was immediately transferred to the customer retention department, where I was promptly offered the same service for $29.95 per month rather than $60. I asked why, and the rep said because we had been with them for three years. I asked why they hadn’t called or alerted us? Why did we have to cancel to get that rate? No response. So I cancelled. I was told we needed to return the equipment that we had bought. They sent a box for the return. Meanwhile, Lifeline did their installation and all was well.

So Mom returned the equipment, but received another bill for the next month plus a bill for $94. Seems she hadn’t returned the smoke detector that they had apparently installed. She called customer service to find out the problem and was sent from department to department, ending up in India. Mom doesn’t hear well or understand well on the telephone, so the Indian accent made it impossible for her to understand the problem. The rep was very rude. VERY rude.

So of course, I had to take over. I called and got the same run around. I'm sure the smoke detector didn’t cost them more than a few bucks, but they were willing to hold the old lady hostage until she returned it at her expense. I'm usually pretty good at dealing with customer service, but this rep (also in India) hung up on me. We returned the silly smoke detector and put the credit card charge in dispute. I guess it’s been settled. But what a nuisance!

So make your own decision, but whatever you do, investigate thoroughly.

A Very Different Christmas

2011-12-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to you! I hope that this season finds you and yours in good health, good cheer, and good company.

We’re enjoying a very different Christmas. For the first time in 27 years, we don't have our son with us. His wife’s father passed away this week, so they are staying close to home and her family. We support this decision wholeheartedly, and in fact, encouraged it. But we sure miss them! It doesn’t feel quite like Christmas.

We took the opportunity of the empty house to bring Mom over for the holidays. Our house is too small to host all of them together, so she hasn’t been here in many years. We surprised her with the trip as her Christmas gift. To my surprise, she didn’t even argue. She does love to “go someplace” and I guess our house is “someplace.” It’s been interesting having a 90 year old here. I tend to move in double time most of the time. Fortunately I was much further ahead this year – presents bought and wrapped, menus planned, shopping lists made — but there are still many things I could only do this week. Or that I didn’t get to last week. We’ve found a nice balance. I get a lot done while she’s napping, a bit more while she’s reading, and she can help with some things. The weather has been lovely (cold, but clear) so we’ve walked every day. And we’ve planned one excursion a day. I do believe she’s having a good time and I'm cherishing the time with her.

It’s a year of transitions. I know there will be Christmases without Son. This, the first, seems the hardest. And I know the time will come, probably soon, when there will be no more Christmases with Mom. And I know that each year it gets harder for hubby and I to do all we’ve loved to do – the entertaining, the decorating, the treks to the City. So today, this week, I'll cherish what we have, who we’re with, and what we can do. I hope you can do the same. Live in the present, enjoy what you have, and decide to have the best Christmas ever. Merry Christmas! And God bless us, every one.

Beware of Visitors (Part 2)

2011-12-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

So Momfelt better after my brother called her back and told her that the police wouldbe patrolling her house. About a half hour later, there was a knock on thedoor. Mom asked who it was. She didn't hear an answer, but assumed it was thepolice. So she opened the door, just a crack.

Me:"You did what?"

Mom:"Just a little. And I had my foot against the door so I could slam it if Ineeded to."

She hadthought of everything... My mom is 5'4" and just over 100 pounds. She alsohas peripheral neuropathy and is unstable on her feet. I reminded her of thesize and strength of her delinquent great nephew, whom she fears.

Me:"Do you really think you could keep him out with your little foot? Hecould push that door open with one hand and knock you over! What were youthinking?

Mom:"I know... I know..."

But doesshe know? How do get her to think more clearly? To think in terms of safety?

Maybe Idon't.

ObviouslyI don't.

Maybeit's time to consider moving her to assisted living. She's right at that inbetween stage--too active for assisted living, but not quite safe on her own.The wrong decision could be devastating.

Whatwould you do?

Beware of Visitors (Part 1)

2011-12-07T13:29:00.001-08:00

My momlives alone.

She has ahearing aid and doesn't hear well on the phone.

She isnice person.

She is 90and naive.

So whenshe received the following call, guess what happened... (Identifying infochanged for obvious reasons).

Caller:"Hi, how a you?"

Mom:"Fine..."

Caller:"I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?

Mom: “Fine…”

Caller: “Want some company?"

Mom:"Umm, I guess so."

Caller:"It's been awhile. Remind me where you live."

Mom:"XYZ Mobile Home Park, over on Grove Street."

Caller:"Right. I remember now. And what number?"

Mom:"Space 34."

Caller:"That's right. Well, I'll head over in a few minutes."

Mom:"OK."

Seriously!After all the times I've warned her about phone scams, her pride and naiveniceness took over once again. She later said she felt she should haverecognized the voice and didn’t want to embarrass herself by letting on that she didn’t.

Fortunately,my brother called right after she hung up and realized what she had done. Afterchastising her, he called the local police and explained the situation. Theypromised to send an office by and keep an eye on her place that night.

People,please remind your elderly loved ones to make sure they know who is on thephone before giving out ANY information.

Tomorrow,the conclusion of this story...

Living in the Present

2011-11-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

This year has been a steep learning curve for me. If I thought I was busy before, this year, with medical issues for three people rather than just one, has taken my schedule to a whole new level. Plus grad school and work. And trying to be a human being. And with the increased busyness has come an increased level of stress. I have more details to remember and juggle. More appointments to squeeze into fewer days at Mom's. More calls to make. As I've faced this, I've watched Mom increase in her worry and fretfulness, to the point where I want to scream. It doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm busier so she frets... This, of course, is a sign of the fuzzy boundaries she's always had, now on steroids, as she feels less in control about the rest of her life.

But as frustrating as it's been, I'm using the opportunity to learn some new skills. The most important of these is what I call "living in the present." While I do have to do some pretty fancy juggling, the reality is that I only have to touch one ball at a time. I only have to attend one appointment, make one phone call, solve one crisis at a time. I may have to move fast and be creative, but I only have to do one at a time. I've learned that to the extent that I can keep this in mind, to that extent I can live in the present rather than the future.

The thing that keeps Mom exhausted is trying to keep everything in her mind at the same time. She literally lives in the past, the present, and the future at the same time. No wonder she's tired!

Especially tiring is the living in the past. I had an incident last night that made that real for me. A conversation didn't go well. Two people were left hurt (I was one of them…). As I keep replaying it, it get overwhelmed and exhausted. I see once again how important it is to resolve that which can be resolved and let go of the rest. It's the mental rehearsal that consumes my energy.

How do you cope with multiple demands? What techniques do you use to live in the present? And what happens when you don't?

Dare to Live: Devotions for Those Over The Hill, Not Under It

2011-10-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Dare to Live: Devotions for Those Over The Hill, Not Under It! is a jolt of spiritual inspiration, a quick boost for your soul. Rediscover God's grace, hope, and power for living—regardless of your place or age in life. In Dare to Live, 87-year-old author Elizabeth Van Liere leads readers through a thirty-day journey to a fuller understanding of what it means to "season slowly with a mighty and loving Savior." This journey pursues a life characterized by relevancy not regret, generosity not grumpiness, and compassion to the end.

This delightful book will first catch your attention with its VERY LARGE print. It’s clearly aimed at seniors. Van Liere captures the joys, sorrows, memories, and complaints of her generation. She poignantly expresses the losses and challenges of aging, but like David, quickly turns her attention to God and gratitude. Each chapter includes a devotional, Scripture verses for “A Step Further,” a memorable quote, and a question. I love her spunky attitude. It would make a great gift for the senior in your life.

To celebrate this blog tour, Elizabeth is offering a Dare to Live Gift Box of Local (Durango, CO) products from Honeyville. Leave a comment here for your chance to win this wonderful prize.

Fiction Friday: Along Wooded Paths

2011-10-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

In April, I reviewed Tricia’ Goyer’s Beside Still Waters. After reading the cliff-hanger ending, I urged Tricia on Facebook to hurry up with book #2, so she did (yeah, I have that kind of influence…). Along Wooded Paths picks up where the first book ended. Her characters are real and the tension is maintained through the book. I've enjoyed a setting other than Lancaster County for these books.

All she wanted was a simple Amish life . . . But now Marianna Sommer finds herself depending on Englisch neighbors. Although proud of living apart from the world, she and her newly relocated Amish family have discovered that life in the remote mountains of Montana requires working together.

As Marianna begins helping those different from herself—and receiving their help—her heart contemplates two directions. She’s torn between the Amish man from Indiana whom she has long planned on marrying and the friendly Englischer who models a closer walk with God than she’s ever seen before.

Who should have young Marianna’s heart? What is God asking her to sacrifice? Her traditions? Her community? The answer is found along the wooded paths and makes a perfect segue to book #3, which Tricia has already finished.

Tricia always celebrates a new book with a bang, and this one is no exception. Tricia is celebrating the release of Along Wooded Paths with a Fabulous Facebook party on October 18th. She'll be giving away prizes and a sneak peak at the next book in the Big Sky series. Then during the second half of the party she'll be hosting a LIVE AUTHOR CHAT on her website and announcing something BIG! CLICK the button (below) to RSVP for the party - then go here to sign up for the Live Author Chat.

Sandwich with a Pickle on the Side – Part 4

2011-10-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

In July we took our son and DIL to Europe. It was a wonderful vacation, a much needed time of re-bonding for all of us. We didn’t have a cell phone that would work in Europe, so anytime I could find decent wifi I would try to Skype with Sis and Mom. Worked about once a week. As wonderful as the trip was, I admit my heart and mind were torn.

Then Sis’s primary physician managed to get her accepted by a specialist in SF. He admitted her to a tertiary care hospital there. She had some preliminary procedures while I was gone, and then on the morning after we returned home, she was scheduled for the bypass surgery. Naturally, our flight had mechanical delays, so our 10 hour flight took 17 hours. We arrived home at 1:30 am. I was at the hospital at 8:30 am for her surgery, which was cancelled as I walked in the door. Seems she had developed a heparin allergy and was throwing clots throughout her body.

Her 32 days in that hospital are a blur. They focused on thinning her blood and getting her off of the massive regimen of pain killers she had been on. About mid-way through the stay, the vascular surgeon decided that the risk was too great and he was unwilling to do the bypass. Plan B? Oh, no one had thought about it. When pressed, we were told hospice or amputation. But then, why did we think the amputation wound would heal? Oh yeah. OK, hospice.

Sis and her hubby weren’t thrilled with that plan, so she changed it to “live.” She also became more open to spiritual input that she had every been and began to put her faith in God. I spent eight to 10 hours per day with her Monday through Friday, then her hubby came for the weekend. She continued to focus on healing and living. By the end of her stay, everyone was amazed at her progress. Wounds were beginning to heal. She was more alert and managing on fewer pain meds. She was on her way.

She went back to the nursing home until her days ran out. Since mid August, she’s been at home with home nursing and PT. He hubby works, manages everything at home, and cares for her. I call her daily as well as Mom. Now where I make my monthly trip, I juggle appointments for both of them. And I'm back in school. Oh, and my hubby was able to get an appointment at the Parkinson’s Institute, which quickly turned into many appointments—medical, PT, speech, neuropsych. Yep, I can juggle three balls! Watch me.

So that’s my excuse. That’s why I haven’t been writing. I apologize. I'd like to promise I'll do better, but if you’re a GenSandwicher, you know I can’t promise that. I've become so aware of how little of my life is my own. I'm getting quite good at juggling, although I still don’t enjoy it. I'm learning to live in the present moment and not worry. I'm learning to take care of myself whenever, wherever I can. I do the most important things, and let the rest fall where it may. I've learned a lot, and now that I've given you the background, I can write shorter posts that will make more sense. At least to my regular readers. I'd love to hear of your experiences and what you’ve learned in caregiving. I know I'm not alone and I know I can learn from you as much or more than you can learn from me.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr/Deedoucette

Sandwich with a Pickle on the Side – Part 3

2011-10-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

After a few weeks I began to notice that Sis’s speech was slurred and she’d fall asleep on the phone. Her hubby reported similar observations. I called the nursing home doc to go see her. They only need to see patients once every two weeks, so I knew he hadn’t evaluated her. From what I was hearing on the phone, I believed she was shutting down. He immediately sent her to the local ER, where the doctor told Sis she was dying. To go home and get her affairs in order. She and her hubby spent the night in tears as they awaited transfer back to the medical center. I drove over the next morning to begin another 10 day vigil.

From the beginning, I insisted that they transfer her to a tertiary care center. They had obviously done all they could at this facility. We started with the same hospitalist who had previously finished her stay – the one who refused a second opinion. Now he brought in one of the vascular surgeons I had requested the previous month. Most of her clots other than the one in the aorta had dissolved, and he thought they could now do the surgery. The vascular guy disagreed, saying he didn’t think that the wounds were caused by the aortal clot (which was what everyone else believed). Therefore, he was unwilling to do such a risky surgery on someone so compromised. Back to square one. Of course, if we could have had that evaluation six weeks earlier, it might have changed the course of her treatment. And of course, the hospitalists changed shifts again and we had another new doc. One who obviously had her orders and didn’t use a lot of independent judgment. I kept insisting that Sis be transferred; the doctor kept bringing in more specialists, and then said everything that could be done had been done. That a tertiary care center couldn’t do anything new. Therefore, no transfer...

The one thing they did during this admission was a nerve and muscle biopsy, via a sizable incision on her good leg. The surgeon was reluctant, but didn’t directly advise against it. Turns out we should have listened to the subtext. Since the surgery in June, she has been unable to flex her foot at the ankle or stand on it. Unfortunately, because all the wounds are on the left side, she needed the right leg for any standing or transfers.

While she was still in surgery, the case manager was beginning to plan her discharge. The nursing home where she had been for months refused to readmit her, supposedly because her Medicare days were running out and they don’t take MediCal (which Sis didn’t have anyway). Her hubby and I were left making arrangements with a different nursing home on my last afternoon there. The new facility was miles from their home, in the opposite direction from his work, and inconvenient for everyone. But they allegedly specialized in wound care. And they had an opening. I left, very frustrated. I had worked hard to develop relationships with the staff at the first nursing home. My family and I were leaving for Europe in less than a week, and now I had no relationships with the new staff. (Meanwhile, of course, Mom’s appointments continued, although I wasn’t able to manage all of them. Oh, and did I mention I was in grad school until mid-June.) (To be continued tomorrow...)

Photo Courtesy of Flickr/Deedoucette

Sandwich with a Pickle on the Side – Part 2

2011-10-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

Thus began a 10-day ordeal. I stayed with her 8 to 10 hours per day, trying to connect with the many doctors they brought in to her see. What I learned was that in the hospital, doctors don't make appointments. They come at their convenience, stay less than five minutes, and leave. Since Sis was heavily sedated with pain meds and her hubby needed to work, if I wasn't there no one had no idea what was going on. Thus began a LONG game of hurry up and wait.
She kept complaining of abdominal pain, but no one would pay attention to us. She wasn’t there for an abdominal problem. They just wanted to find the cause of the sores, which were huge, deep, painful, and confusing. Finally, more to shut me up than because he believed he’d find something, the hospitalist ordered an abdominal CT scan. Much to his surprise, it showed that her aorta was blocked from about waist level to mid-thigh level. Both legs. The first we heard of this was when the vascular surgeon, who had previously declared, “It’s not vascular. Nothing for me here.” popped into the room and declared, “I’m doing a bypass.” Say what?
They decided to run some more scans. Meanwhile, the hospitalist with whom we had developed a relationship went off duty and we got a new one. Someone who had no history with her and no relationship. Since her chart now measured in the hundreds of pages, he wasn’t really up to speed on the case. But he popped in and just as glibly stated, “No surgery. She has more blockages.” When I finally got him to slow down and explain the problem, he drew a picture (very helpful) of all the known blockages and clots in her body. Because of the locations, the vascular guy who had planned the surgery reneged. Therefore, they were going to discharge her to the nursing home and have her come back after three to six months on blood thinners for reconsideration. Assuming she was alive by then. I asked for a second opinion from a list of vascular surgeons I had obtained. The hospitalist informed me that he was the second opinion. Period.
They kept her another couple of days, then moved her back to the nursing home where she got wound care and blood thinners, but no PT. The nursing home called in various pain management specialists, who kept tweaking (read: increasing) her meds. They had her so drugged she barely knew her name. The staff was wonderful. I could talk to the charge nurse several times per week, and even the doctor at times. But she wasn’t improving. They tried anything they could get insurance authorization for, but were turned down for some treatments that had potential value, like hyperbaric. Simply dealing with the insurance at this point became time- and energy-consuming. (To be continued tomorrow...)

Photo Courtesy of Flickr/Deedoucette

Sandwich with a Pickle on the Side – Part 1

2011-10-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

Where have I been? You may have noticed the scarcity of posts in recent months. I apologize for that. I've missed you. The problem is that since April, my GenSandwich plate has been overflowing. (Warning: this will be a long four-part post… That’s life these days. But these posts will lay the foundation for a lot of posts I want to write but that need a bit of context. This is the context.)

You know that I go to Mom's once a month to manage her medical appointments and keep an eye on her. Plus daily calls that seem to be more time-consuming… That eats a big chunk out of my month. As you long-distance care-givers know, a three-day trip consumes five to six days, when you add in packing and unpacking, preparation, and travel. And mind shift. Have you noticed that when you do your parent care responsibilities your mind is less able (unable?) to do other things? I seem to have a complete mind shift at Mom’s where I can't do much more than check email and handle her daily needs. So real life gets behind. Way behind.

In April Mom turned 90. We planned a big party for her. I think it was the first party anyone had every thrown for her. It was wonderful. The day before the party I had arranged to take my sister to a couple of specialty appointments. She had been dealing with horrible sores on her lower body and couldn't get a diagnosis, so I thought I could add a few appointments to my already-full plate. But that morning she awakened very light-headed and afraid. She didn't feel safe, so we took her to the ER. She was admitted to the hospital later that evening (yes, the ER consumed 8 hours of a busy day before a big party) and I returned to Mom's to a houseful of out-of-town guests I had not-so-wisely invited to dinner. The next day was devoted to the party, which was lovely. And tiring. Sis remained in the hospital for about a week, and then was discharged to the nursing home.

I stayed in touch with her every day and went back a month later to take her to some medical appointments, including the ones we had missed a month earlier. We juggled her appointments and Mom's. After one of my sister's appointments, we noticed that her arm was severely swollen. Off to the ER. I had an appointment with Mom that afternoon, so my hubby stayed with Sis. As I was dropping Mom off after her appointment, Hubby called to say that Sis had a blood clot in her PICC line and the local hospital couldn't handle it. (What??) She was being sent to a larger medical center about 30 minutes away. (I think the local hospital already realized they had nothing more to offer her, so used this opportunity to do a little patient dumping). Her hubby met us and we took off for the ER at the next hospital, where six hours later, she was admitted after a sweet little nurse came and pulled out the PICC line. Yep, that’s all it took. (To be continued tomorrow…)

Photo Courtesy of Flickr/Deedoucette

Fiction Friday: Patchwork Dreams

2011-06-10T01:07:00.000-07:00

I confess. I enjoy Amish fiction, which has become one of the most popular genres of Christian fiction. So I was delighted to be invited to review Patchwork Dreams by Laura V. Hilton.

Patchwork Dreams is a simple story, with a twist I haven't seen in Amish fiction – a heroine who returns from her rumschpringe pregnant and unwed. Although Becky has confessed her sin and joined the church, she remains an outcast in the community. She has reconciled herself to live as a maidal in her parents’ home or be married to an older widower.

Then Jacob Miller comes to the family farm to help with chores for the summer. Unbeknownst to him, his father sent Jacob there to distance him from Susie, his sweetheart in Pennsylvania.

It’s little surprise that boy meets girl, kindling romantic sparks that neither seems capable of dealing with. The entire story chronicles the terrible communication between these two and the misunderstandings that ensue. Neither seems capable of clear, open, honest communication, resulting in a painfully predictable, formulaic plot. Lacking a subplot, the story soon became tedious. I found the characters annoying, wanting them to just say what they’re thinking! It’s a very simple love story. Quite readable. At times enjoyable. But not exceptional.

Aging and the Mind-Body Disconnect

2011-05-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

Back in April I wrote about the mind-body disconnect I see in both Mom and myself. This is the unrealistic expectations we have when our minds are convinced we can do what we’ve always done, but our bodies refuse to cooperate – or complain loudly when we push them.

The Rev. Amy Ziettlow, COO of Hospice of Baton Rouge, wrote an article for the Huffington Post about the same topic. In her hospital work she regularly encounters people who think they can do more than their bodies are capable of. And the result is an increased fall risk. She lists a set of criteria they use to assess fall risk. I see many of these criteria in Mom, and understand why I'm always on the alert when I'm with her. It’s a useful list as you evaluate your parents -- or yourself.

How do you cope with your own body/mind disconnect? How do you act your age, or help your aging parent to act his or her age? I'd love some new ideas. The old ones aren’t working…

The Upside of Downsizing: 50 Ways to Create a Cozy Life

2011-05-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Are you struggling with the accumulation of “stuff” in your life? If you’re a GenSandwicher, chances are, your garage runneth over. And your storage unit. And your attic. And your calendar. And your file cabinet. And your responsibilities.

My friend, Karen O’Connor has written a cute little book just for us. The Upside of Downsizing: 50 Ways to Create a Cozy Life stands only 5 inches high by 4 ¾ inches wide and features 50 short chapters of helpful hints to help those of us over 50 to embrace this new and often perplexing stage of life. Some of the hints are familiar, but others caused me to stop and ponder. Each chapter includes a gentle challenge: “Why not…. (try something new)?”

Karen covers both the practical and the inspirational. I love her vibrancy and joy of life as she shares stories, biblical principles, and innovative ideas for trimming belongings, rediscovering the joys of an empty nest, actively helping others, and establishing a vibrant, energetic lifestyle. This would be a great gift for anyone celebrating one of those milestone birthdays.

Ever Feel Like This?

2011-04-14T23:56:00.000-07:00

I do... All the time...

Fiction Friday: Beside Still Waters

2011-04-08T01:07:00.000-07:00

Do you love Amish fiction? It's one of the most popular genres these days, and having spent time in Lancaster Country, I must confess I'm fascinated with this culture. If you also like Amish stories, I think you'll enjoy Tricia Goyer's Beside Still Waters.

Marianna Sommer believes she knows where her life is headed. Nineteen years old and Amish, her plan is to get baptized into the church, marry Aaron Zook, and live in the only community she's ever known.

When Marianna's family moves from Indiana to Montana she discovers life and faith will never be the same. As she builds an easy friendship with local guy, Ben Stone, Ben not only draws her heart, he also gets her thinking about what loving God and living in community is all about.

As Marianna struggles to find "home", she also encounters God in intimate ways. It's a gentle book, but one that takes enough twists and turns to be interesting. As a country girl, I loved the descriptions of Montana. I'm delighted this is the beginning of a series, because while it wraps up nicely, it also leaves some unanswered questions. And an open door for sequel.

I love all of Tricia's fiction. She's an amazing writer and the author of twenty-six books including Songbird Under a German Moon, The Swiss Courier, and the mommy memoir, Blue Like Play Dough. To celebrate the release of the first book in the Big Sky Amish series Tricia is giving away 10 copies of Beside Still Waters and a pair of super cute antique Amish salt & pepper shakers. Details at Tricia’s blog, It’s Real Life. BONUS! Each person who enters the giveaway will receive a FABULOUS Montana Amish Calendar. Hurry, it’s only available while supplies last!Visit www.triciagoyer.com for more info.

Age—A Matter of Perspective

2011-04-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

My mom turns 90 on Sunday. That’s quite a milestone. Not only that, she’s still reasonably healthy. In fact, she still drives and runs errands for the “old people.” Yes, I drive with her every time I'm there, and I'm still comfortable with her driving skills.

It’s interesting to me how differently we look at things. She looks at her wrinkled and bruised skin and disdains it. I think she looks pretty good for 90. She gets upset that she’s a bit unstable on her feet and tires so easily. I'm amazed at how much she does in a day. She worries about having enough money. I ask what she’s saving it for – her old age?

On the other hand, I guard her far more carefully than she guards herself. I try to help her in ways she doesn’t want or need. When I was in high school and college, I thought she was so old. As I've been looking back at photos in preparation for her birthday party, I'm astounded at how young she looked. In fact, she was quite a looker.

Awhile back, when we were helping Son and DIL with painting their kitchen, Son kept “taking care” of me. He worried about my stamina (and he was right…). At one point I asked him point blank, “Do you think we’re old?” He hesitated, then said, “Well, yeah…” I was a little startled, but I understood what he meant. From his perspective, Mom and Dad are old. From my perspective, we’re still 35.

I'm sure Mom feels the same way. She may be 90, but she still thinks she’s 50 and can’t figure out why her body doesn’t cooperate. I can relate…

Photo Courtesy of flickr.com/ncalzas

The Face in the Mirror

2011-03-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Seriously. What do you see? A tired, worn out GenSandwich face or a joyful person?

My life seems to move three times as fast as I'd like it to. Like you, I juggle work, school, family, and an aging parent. What I noticed was that my face had taken on a permanent droop. The edges were turned down into a permanent scowl. I wasn’t really mad – just looked mad. And old.

So I made a decision. I was going to smile. I was going to look happy whether I felt like it or not. No need to make everyone else miserable, even if I was. Throughout the day, I'd remind myself to SMILE. And you know what? I not only looked better, I FELT better.

At first it was hard. I was using muscles that hadn’t been used very often. But not it’s almost second nature. No, I don’t smile all the time, but I sure smile more and longer than I used to. Feels good.

I've heard that you can’t smile and be unhappy at the same time. That it’s a physical impossibility. That a smile actually activates something in the brain that requires a mood to match the face. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know that as soon as I make my face smile, my mood improves. And I look a lot better too. Try it. Let me know how it works.

Happy Spring!

2011-03-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of spring, and boy, am I ready for it! Unfortunately, in California, we’re still having rain. Lots of rain. We even had hail last week! We’re considerably over our moisture needs for the year, but the rains just keep coming. Rain is forecast for every day this week. Ugh!

When I talk to Mom each day, she goes on and on about how depressed she is. The rain depresses her. She can’t go out, she’s going stir crazy, and she’s cold. In the process, she seems to have lost her ability to solve problems. Things as simple as turning on the lights and heat seem beyond her. She winces at the potential cost of the electricity and can’t make the connection that more heat and light would make her feel better. So she sits in the gray cold and mopes.

I keep trying to teach an old dog new tricks. And praying for sunshine. I hope you’re enjoying spring wherever you are.

Fiction Friday: When the Devil Whistles

2011-03-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

If you like suspense with lots of twists and turns, you’ll love When the Devil Whistles by my friend Rick Acker.

Allie Whitman is a whistle blower. She and attorney Connor Norman love to make devils of the corporate giants pay for their crimes. But this time, they may have gotten in too deep and their lives are at risk. As the plot thickens, Allie must face her own giants and decide what’s important in life. And of course, there’s a hint of romance just to keep things interesting.

Acker has done a masterful job of developing both plot and characters. While he stretches reality in a few places, the story holds together and is a real page-turner.

Acker is a Deputy Attorney General for the State of California’s Department of Justice. His unit prosecutes corporate fraud lawsuits like this one, so he brings a lot of real-life credibility to the story.

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

2011-03-09T22:19:00.000-08:00

The mother of one of my friends just passed away following a week in the hospital and several years of rotating in and out of the hospital with a variety of ailments. The 97-year-old mother of another friend went into the hospital with infected bedsores. She was expected to die, but she rallied and is back in her assisted living facility. Their experiences reminded me of the days my step-dad was in the hospital, and in fact, the years he was in the nursing home with occasional excursions to the hospital. And to a lesser extent, it reminds me of my relationship with Mom. Perhaps it’s something you experience as you care for your aging parent.

I liken this to waiting for the other shoe to drop. When we’re caring for our kids, they can do crazy things and even get hurt, but our mental attitude is that everything will be OK. A broken bone, a cut, even an illness. With kids, we assume recovery and life, and we’re usually right.

With our parents, however, we know that time and the odds are not on our side. They’re on the downside of life. We know things will only get worse. We just don’t know when or how.

My mom makes bad decisions every day. I'm always waiting to see which one will result in a catastrophe. I know it’s coming. I just don’t know when or how…

I also know that as executor of her estate, I have a huge job in my future. I don’t know when. I don’t know the circumstances. All I know is that at some point, my life will go on hold as a clean out the house and deal with the details. I just don’t know when or how…

I realized as I supported these friends that this unknown expectation affects my ability to plan my own life and business. I realized that I hold back, never knowing what lies ahead. Never knowing what I can actually plan for. Yes, it’s realistic but it’s also a distraction. It keeps me less effective than I might otherwise be. That has to change. Can it?

What do you do to keep your life moving forward, even while knowing that the other shoe will drop?

Three Super-Simple Kick Starts to Living Your Dreams  – In the Next 15 Minutes

2011-02-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

Guest Post by Kathi Lipp, author of

The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted

Is there a dream that God has given you, but you are waiting until the kids are grown and you have money in the bank before you get started?

You may not be able to enroll in a month long pastry making class or take a week off of work to get started on your novel, but today you can take three little baby steps to making your dream a day-to-day reality.

1. Go Public with It
It’s a little scary to tell the world what you want to do when you grow up—but this is one little step could get you closer to living your dream than almost any other. Plus—it takes very little time and you don’t have to raid your kid’s college fund to make it happen.

When you gather up all your courage and tell your best friend, “I want to learn how to paint,” suddenly she remembers an old art book she has laying around she would love to give you, or her friend from church who teaches art classes. The people you know and love want to be a resource. Give them the privilege of being a part of making your dream happen.

2. Join an Online Group
This is one of the simplest—and cheapest—ways to start exploring your passion. Find out who else is talking about restoring antiques and listen to their conversation. Start by Googling your interest along with the term “online groups.” You will be amazed with the number of people who want to talk about the proper way to care for 1950’s lunchboxes as much as you do.

3. Don’t be Afraid to Pray
I remember the first time I put an offer in on a house—I wanted it more than I had wanted almost anything else in my life. While I knew that I had dozens of other people praying on my behalf, I was too scared to pray.

I didn’t want God to tell me no. I was afraid to pray until my co-worker Kim asked me (in a loving, kind way), why I didn’t believe that God wanted His best for me. Don’t be afraid to pray—as with anything amazing in my life, the path is never what I expected, but it has always been obvious that God’s hand has been on it the whole way.

The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted

2011-02-25T01:31:00.000-08:00

I’ve spent a lot of time this year planning, considering, and trying to balance my goals and priorities for the year. Seems that the older I get, the harder it is to know where to focus my priorities. I thought my time was not my own when I was raising and home schooling my son, but that was a piece of cake compared to an aging mom, a husband and a sister with multiple health issues, plus my own health problems, grad school, and running a business. Whew! That’s why I enjoyed Kathi Lipp’s The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You’ve Always Wanted.

According to Daniel Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, taking small steps every day will not only help you stay committed to your goal, ¨but will also help you ultimately achieve that goal when obstacles come up. Kathi’s book is helping me do just that. She wants you and your friends to live out those dreams—and have some fun along the way.

It’s easy for women to forget the goals and dreams of our younger years. The busyness of everyday life gets in the way. To-do lists and crises replace goals. The Me Project provides women with fun and creative ways to bring back the sense of purpose and vitality that comes with living out the plans and dreams God has planted in our hearts. Kathi’s warm tone and laugh-out-loud humor motivates women to take daily steps toward intentional goals. The end result? We get back our lives and enjoy living in the confidence of a purposeful life in spite of our chaotic schedules.   This handy guide coaches women to do one simple thing toward achieving our goals each day for three weeks. A woman experiencing the exhilaration of a rediscovered life offers more as a wife, mother, friend, volunteer, career woman and daughter.

I have had the privilege of being Kathi's friend and colleague. We were in the same writers' group for several years. This is Kathi's third "project" book. The others are The Husband Project and The Marriage Project. I felt those were a little young for my audience, but The Me Project scratches right where we itch.

To motivate you, Kathi is offering a great drawing. Leave a comment here, with your email address, and Kathi will enter your name in a drawing for an incredible Starbucks basket.

Grand Prize Giveaway:

Deluxe Starbucks Coffee Gift Basket

• Three 2.5-oz. bags of Starbucks coffee   (Sumatra, House Blend, and French Roast)

• Tazo black tea

• Starbucks marshmallow cocoa

• Almond roca

• Almond roca buttercrunch toffee cookies

• White chocolate and raspberry cookies

• 2 Starbucks mugs

• Keepsake black bamboo basket

What Do You Know About Aging?

2011-02-23T01:07:00.000-08:00

How much do you know about aging? Probably more than you think you do. You can test your knowledge on a 29-question National Institute of Aging quiz. It walks you through a variety of topics related to aging, while offering a bit of education camouflaged as information. It’s fun. Stop by and take the test, then post your score here. I got 27.

Another Scam on Seniors

2011-01-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

We all know that seniors are ripe targets for scams. We know that scams come in many shapes and sizes. And with the increasing focus on identity theft, it becomes a little scary. Here’s a new one for our family.

A few weeks ago Mom mentioned that an insurance man had called and made an appointment to come to her home and check over her policy. “Which policy,” I asked? “Who?”

Well, she didn’t get his name, but she thought he was from John’s office. She has an annuity with John.

“Did he say he was from John’s office?” She thought he might have.

“So why didn’t John call?” She didn’t know, but said they were looking at everyone’s policies because the home office thought there were some problems with them.

Sounded fishy to me. He was scheduled to come by the next morning. In my usual maternal voice, I told her than under no condition was she to allow him into the house without me there. I reminded her again that she isn’t to have salespeople in or even talk to them without me. She couldn’t remember what she had told him about her policies, but I was sure it was too much. I told her to have him call me and we would schedule a time when I was there.

I told her to be away from the house the next day, and if he called back, to have him call me. He called me the next day. Unfortunately, I was on my way out. I asked him to call me back that afternoon. He didn’t.

So I called John and asked him if he had indeed sent this guy. I knew it was possible. John is aging and winding down his practice. But wouldn’t he have let us know he was sending a new employee? Wouldn’t he have called first or even brought him by the first time?

Sure enough, John knew nothing about this guy. Without a name or number, we were left with no way to follow up. But I was grateful to have caught it this time.

I wish I could get Mom to stop talking to strangers. After all, didn’t she teach me that when I was little? Now she seems willing to tell anyone anything about her business. But I keep trying. I keep reminding her and hoping.

What do you do to try to protect your aging parents from scams?

Photo Credit: iStockphoto

DRNs Not a Surefire Solution

2011-01-04T22:12:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting post today by a Facebook friend, Katy McKenna, at Fallible.com. Sometimes when I start feeling whiny and sorry for myself because of the pressures I’m under, I find it helpful to read about those who have it even harder.

At this point in time, I’m only responsible for my mom, and she’s still pretty self-sufficient. A few years ago I had her and my step-dad, but since 2007, I’ve actually had it pretty easy. Comparatively.

Katy, on the other hand, has responsibility for both her mother and her mother-in-law, both in different nursing homes. She tells a poignant story of the complexity of dealing with DNRs (Do Not Resuscitate orders) and in the process, gave me a lot of information I didn’t know. I hope you’ll read her post and share your own experiences with us. Together, we learn from one another.

Photo Courtesy of flickr.com/photos/nmcmanus

Taking a Deep Breath

2011-01-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays. I hate the holidays. I’ve enjoyed a wonderful month and I’m SO glad it’s over. Maybe you feel the same way.

This season I found myself listening to Christmas carols, knowing that somewhere in my past, those words and tunes had brought joy. And they were intended to bring it again. But this year they seemed to bring confusion. Like, “I know there’s a fond memory in there somewhere, but I can’t find it.” I think it was buried under the piles of wrapping paper and the endless stack of gifts I still needed to wrap.

I feel this way every year. The festivities of the season remind me of the Norman Rockwell holidays I never had. Didn’t have them I childhood, and despite my best efforts, seldom achieved them in adulthood. (Does anyone??) Hubby and I go through the motions of decorating before the fly-in visit from our adult son and DIL, but it just isn’t the same as when he was home and so excited about every ornament, every gift, every tradition.

I still aim for the Norman Rockwell holidays, which means lots of cooking and baking, and entertaining. I do what I can in advance because I just don’t have the stamina I used to have. When Son and DIL are here, I do things that I didn’t do when he was growing up, like cook breakfast, because I’ve found that a leisurely breakfast is a wonderful time to talk (as is midnight to 3:00 am—but that’s another story). But having only on bathroom means that I get up first to shower and get ready. Then I cook while the others are getting ready. Then it seems that I cook again and again, either for entertaining here or taking somewhere else.

We’ve had an event or party to host or attend every day for the last 10 days. And that doesn’t even count the Christmas celebration with Mom and my family of origin the 17th and 18th (that, too, is another story). I’m really not complaining. I organized many of those events and enjoyed once-a-year time with family and friends from so many areas of our lives. But the joy of the friendships doesn’t eliminate the sense of exhaustion that follows--and the reminder that no matter what I tell myself, I can't do all I used to do. We're blessed to have friends to celebrate with and frankly, I can’t see changing this voluntarily, but when I reach January, something deep inside lets out a huge sigh of relief. I think tomorrow would be a great day to take a nap and read a book. Because school starts again on Monday.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of you. I know that most of my readers are plumb tuckered out about now. You've managed to buy and wrap the gifts, decorate the house, attend and supervise extra events for your children and/or aging parents, and cook a week's worth of food. I know. Me too. But in the midst of the chaos, I do hope you'll take a few minutes for yourself. And while you're at it, take a few minutes to seek the Lord who came as an infant to save us from our sins and offer us eternal life. Go ahead. Rest in Him. Breathe. Remember what this season is really about.

Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons/A.Affleck

We Have a Winner!!

2010-12-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to announce that KDL, author of The Simple Life is the winner of the free copy of "The Caregiver Manual for MY Aging Parent" by Melissa Bishop and Karen Berg at The Caregiver Organizer.

Remember, they're offering a 25% discount through January 2. Just use the coupon code HOLIDAY to take advantage of the discount.

The Caregiver Organizer For MY Aging Parent

2010-12-19T20:23:00.000-08:00

Do you care for an aging parent? Or do you coordinate caregivers for your parent? If you’re like me, you have binders and folders and notes and computer files and random notes here and there. It’s a challenge to keep up with, for sure. And if you are also responsible for children at home, oh my!

I just received a review copy of a wonderful resource, and since it’s downloadable, you can still order for yourself or another caregiver before Christmas. The 79-page Caregiver Organizer For MY Aging Parent can’t figure everything out for you, it will help you remain organized. It will help you, the adult child, not only keep all the daily details together, but also track and organize your parent’s medical, legal, and financial information. It can also be used as a source of communication between you and any hired caregiver who may be assisting in your parent’s daily care.

The Caregiver Organizer is a downloadable e-book, created in a pdf format that allows you to enter the information on the computer and then print it (my style) or print it and complete the forms by hand. When the info changes, reprint the page(s) you need. You’ll always be up to date. And it’s only $12.95.

There's a lot of information I don't need yet, but that could change tomorrow. One thing I like about this book is that because it’s a download, I can print only the pages I need now, but have the others available when the time comes. I’m going to start using my copy of The Caregiver Organizer for MY Aging Parent right away. It will be a huge help in the coming year. And best of all, author Melissa Bishop has offered my readers two wonderful resources.

1. Win a copy! Leave a comment on this page and on the evening of Wednesday, (December 22) I will draw one lucky winner – just in time for Christmas. Be sure you give me a valid email address so I can notify you.

2. 25% discount through Jan. 2! If you don’t win, use the coupon code HOLIDAY and you’ll receive 25% off. That’s quite a discount!

Be sure to check out their website. They also have The Caregiver Organizer for My Child and The Caregiver Organizer for My Special Needs Child. Need a Christmas gift for a parent you know?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my wonderful readers who are caring for aging parents and a double blessing to you GenSandwichers who still have children at home and are caring for your parents. I pray God's richest blessings upon you this Thanksgiving.

I've just returned from five days at Mom's, a visit that included both medical appointments and a big family dinner. While everyone helped with the dinner, we still haven't trained the sibs to stay for clean up. Almost everyone suddenly had to leave before we even started dishes and putting away the leftovers. In all fairness, there was a storm coming in and those who had traveled felt the need to get on the road before it hit. I was grateful for my brother who stayed and helped to the very end. I can tell I'm getting older. But the end of the day, and through the next day, I could barely move.

While it was important to give Mom a full Thanksgiving dinner with her whole family, I find that it's getting harder and harder to manage it. I feel conflicted and in a no-win situation. I want to make it nice for Mom -- who knows which holiday will be her last. But I find I resent sibs who consistently make excuses for not pitching in and contributing a fair share. I honestly don't have any more energy than they do, but I guess I'm just stubborn enough to tough through it -- to my detriment.

How do you mange holidays at your house? I'd love some suggestions for honoring Mom while maintaining my own health and well-being in a situation where agreeing on responsibilities in advance hasn't worked.

The Christmas Gift

2010-11-18T21:52:00.000-08:00

How often do we discount or mistreat others? And how often are we treated badly by others? And how often are the reasons for those conflicts a mystery, even to us?

The Christmas Gift by R. William Bennett is a charming story of a newcomer, a bully, and the benefits of doing the right thing. The lessons young Scott learns are good reminders to all of us who are tempted to react in kind rather than responding kindly.

As I’m preparing to spend time with family over the holidays, this book reminds me to look beneath the surface behaviors, to accept more than my part in disagreements, and to do the right thing. Sometimes I need that. We all have unhealed places in our lives and we all need a Christmas gift – throughout the year.

Do We Become More Negative with Age?

2010-11-15T01:32:00.000-08:00

My mom has always been negative. She’s always been a victim. So why does it bother me so much now? Is it getting worse, or am I just growing weary of it? Hard to know…

I find that it doesn’t matter what I say to her. She finds a way to give it a negative spin. Last week we invited a young couple to lunch. They are our son’s age—late 20s—and he was one of my writing students. His parents recently died, so we invited them for lunch. I mentioned it to Mom. Her response: “Why would they want to have lunch with you? You’re too old.” Excuse me! I get along just fine with young people. We had a lovely time. But it stung to think that Moms first response was critical.

I could go on and on, but then I’d be negative too. Just once I’d love for my mom to delight with me. To rejoice with me. To celebrate me and what I do. I guess the good news is that her attitude has caused me to work extra hard a being positive with my son and DIL. When they come, we celebrate them. When we talk on the phone, I encourage them even when I know I’d have done it differently. I want them to know I’m on their side, no matter what.

So what do you do with a negative parent? And how do we avoid becoming one? I’ve tried correcting, cajoling, and countering Mom. She just gets upset. So now I just ignore here and move on. And meanwhile, I remember that I’m becoming the old woman I will be. So I’m developing an attitude of gratitude and a positive mindset. What do you do?

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

Fiction Friday: Blind Sight

2010-11-12T01:31:00.000-08:00

Blind Sight by James H. Pence is a fast-moving thriller with an unusual twist. Peter Bishop is frantic to protect his ten-year-old twins from a powerful cult and find their mother, who is in hiding. In desperation, he sends them to Thomas Kent, a college friend he hasn’t seen in years. Kent, already deep in his own grief, tries to avoid the favor, but soon is enmeshed in the life and death adventure.

The book races through several unlikely but thrilling plot twists in Texas and the bayous of Louisiana as Kent tries to protect the children, one of whom is blind, and find their mother with the cult hot on their trail. A cult that will stop at nothing to avoid exposure.

This book was a thoroughly enjoyable read. A little far-fetched, but hey, it’s fiction. And we’re looking for escape. Thanks to Kathy Carlton Willis for sending it.

Fiction Friday: Farraday Road

2010-11-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Farraday Road by Ace Collins is an unusual book. I received it from Zondervan about a year ago, but have been backlogged with blog tours and since this one was unsolicited, I didn’t read it until I was sick this week.

The book starts with a murder, a disappearance, and the subsequent investigation. Reads like a typical cop-murder mystery. Fast paced and earthy. All-business female cop, wealthy victim. The requisite twists and turns. The mystery moves from the victims to Swope’s Ridge, a splendid piece of property in the Ozarks. Then a little more than halfway through it takes a sharp turn to the unlikely. It moves from believable to fanciful to fantastical. Coincidences become increasingly less believable in a National Treasure or Indiana Jones sort of way. A charming new character is introduced, but in a contrived way. More twists and turns, and then it becomes clear. There aren’t enough pages for the various mysteries to resolve. And sure enough, just as another plot element is introduced, to be continued…

I enjoyed the read, but was terribly disappointed with the sales gimmick designed to assure the sale of book two.I don't mind series. I don't mind leaving some elements unresolved. but this was a little too much.

Fiction Friday: Her Daughter’s Dream

2010-10-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

On April 23, 2010 I posted a review of Her Mother’s Hope, the first book in Francine Rivers’ two-book saga that explores the depths of grace and forgiveness in one of life’s fiercest bonds—the love between mother and daughter. In the dramatic conclusion to the series, Rivers delivers a rich and deeply moving story about the silent sorrows that can tear a family apart and the grace and forgiveness that can heal even the deepest wounds.

Her Daughter’s Dream picks up where Her Mother’s Hope left off, with Carolyn Arundel’s mother, Hildemara, quarantined to her room with tuberculosis. Carolyn bonds with her oma Marta, who moves in to care for the household. As tensions between Hildie and Marta escalate, Carolyn believes she is to blame. When Hildie returns to work and Marta leaves, Carolyn and her brother grow up as latchkey kids in a world gripped by the fear of the Cold War.

The book follows Carolyn to college, and then to the heady counterculture of San Francisco. When she reemerges two years later, more lost than ever, she reluctantly turns to her family to help rebuild a life for her and her own daughter, May Flower Dawn. Like Carolyn, Dawn develops a closer bond with her grandmother, Hildie, than with her mother, causing yet another rift between generations. But as Dawn struggles to avoid the mistakes of those who went before her, she vows that somehow she will be a bridge between the women in her family rather than the wall that separates them forever.

Spanning from the 1950s to present day, Her Daughter’s Dream is the emotional final chapter of an unforgettable family saga about the sacrifices every mother makes for her daughter—and the very nature of unconditional love. Rivers says that this book is largely autobiographical, allowing her to explore the relationships in her family and to come to a better understanding, not only of her mother and grandmother, but also herself. She answered questions in an interview provided to blog tour writers:

How has exploring the relationship between your mother and grandmother helped you understand yourself?

Writing about Marta made me decide to let go, forgive and move on. For whatever reason, Grandma couldn’t and missed out on so much joy in her last years. Sometimes people deeply hurt as children take offense where none was intended…. As I examine my own life, I see how much I’ve been forgiven. How can I not extend God’s grace to others?

Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of Her Daughter's Dream?

I would love for you to visit my web site at www.FrancinceRivers.com, browse through the various events and other resources available, as well as sign up for my mailing list. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.

You have a couple of opportunities to win a copy of Her Daughter’s Dream. The Virtual Book Tour Facebook page is giving away THREE copies of the book and the Christian Speaker Services blog will give away ONE copy. Be sure you enter today as the tour ends Monday.

A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by the Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services at www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.

Does God Have a Sense of Humor?

2010-09-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

If your week has been like mine, maybe you need a bit of comic relief. Here's Mary Maxwell offering the opening prayer for Caregiver of the Year dinner for HomeInstead. I love her sense of timing and dry humor. I'm sure God enjoyed it as well.

What’s This about Getting Old?

2010-08-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

Robert Faber expressed my sentiments exactly in his op-ed piece on the AnnArbor.com. At 84, he looks around and wonders why everyone else is so old. It’s a great read, especially for Boomers.

I’m at my family’s this weekend. Everyone is here for a nephew’s birthday. Mom is 89, Brother is 60, Sister is 53. At 62, I feel no more than 30 and keep thinking I’m back “at home” with much younger siblings. In fact, I often confuse my brother with my 26-year-old son. I’ll be talking on the phone to one and see the other in my mind’s eye. I sometimes feel as if I’m in a time warp and have a hard time remembering my own age and stage. I’m doing things usually done by much younger people (like grad school and gardening) and have plans for the next 30 years, yet my body often screams in protest. Who am I and how old am I anyway?

I know I’m not alone, and at the same time I know that my attitude helps keep me young. Meanwhile, like Robert Faber, I “just keep planning and trying and doing. The beauty of life at any age, but a requisite for old age, is: Tomorrow.”

Photo courtesy iStockPhoto.com

Never Too Late

2010-08-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

I just spent the last week in an intensive one-week class in my graduate program. It was wonderful and stimulating, but once again I found myself questioning myself. Why am I in grad school in my early 60s? Why am I spending the private school tuition for a degree I’ll probably never use? I’ve been in grad school for three years now – one class per quarter. I joke that I’m on the lifetime plan. But the reality is, I’m working my tail off for a degree that I have no job-related reasons to get. When people ask me why I’m doing it, my current answer is, “Because I can.”

In a way that’s true. I’ve wanted to do it for over twenty years, but life made it almost impossible. But three years ago I woke up to find all my excuses gone. I applied and was accepted, and began an adventure that has given me untold joy. I’m a natural student, full of curiosity and joy of learning. When I started, I felt as if I had fallen in a vat of chocolate – I was drowning, but so sad I couldn’t eat it all. Now that I’ve developed my skills, I’m loving it and doing quite well, thank you. And I’m coming to grips spending the time and money on something that feels frivolous.

This week I came across a story that brought joy to my heart. Nola Ochs just received her Master of Liberal Studies in history from Fort Hays State University (KS). At 98 (yes, 98), she’s the oldest person ever to graduate with a masters degree. This follows her record for being the oldest to receive a bachelor’s degree at age 95 in 2007. What now? Nola hasn’t decided if she’ll teach or work toward a Master of Arts in history and apply for one of three graduate teaching assistantships in that department that will be available in spring 2011!

Good for her! Just goes to show ya, it’s never too late. Maybe I will get that Ph.D. after all!

Fiction Friday: Shades of Morning

2010-07-30T01:33:00.000-07:00

My friend Marlo Schalesky has written yet another provocative novel I think you’ll enjoy. Much like a GenSandwicher suddenly faced with family responsibilities, Marnie Wittier’s quiet, peaceful life is unexpectedly turned upside down when her long-estranged sister dies and makes Marnie guardian for her 15-year old son – a boy Marnie never knew existed. And when Emmit arrives, she discovers he has Down syndrome—and that she’s woefully unprepared to care for him. What’s worse, she has to deal with her sister’s attorney, Taylor Cole, a man Marnie once loved—and abandoned. As Emmit and Taylor work their way into her heart, Marnie begins to heal. But when pieces of her dismal past surface again, she must at last face the scripts of paper in her box, all the regrets and sorrows. Can she do it? Or will she run again? And are things really as they appear?

Becoming a Club Sandwich

2010-07-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

My apologies for not posting for so long. It’s been an amazing, hectic month full of family joys and trials. I think I just became a club sandwich. Although I don’t have kids at home, I’m pretty involved with my kidults, my mom, and now… my husband.

About the time Son and DIL moved, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and sleep apnea. He’s been undergoing a lot of testing and dealing with an anxiety disorder that is preventing the proper diagnosis and treatment of the sleep apnea. Unfortunately, he’s become pretty depressed, so keeping him active and busy has become a chore. Just what I needed…

Meanwhile, the kidults have made lots of changes in their new home, including getting rid of that awful carpet and having the hardwood floors refinished. I’m still recovering from the cleaning I did during their move – cleaning I never do in my own home! (Why is it that we do things for our kids, even our adult kids, that we’d never think of doing for ourselves?) My chronic hip pain, which I had pretty well under control, flared up and is just now settling back down—most of the time. Mom has seen a specialist for her unresolved issues and has undergone a lot of new tests. So far, there doesn’t seem to be anything serious going on. And I’m starting a summer class and enjoying my garden.

Son and DIL visited us last week and we had a chance to have lunch with Mom. The kids don’t get to see her much, living at opposite ends of the state. We were excited that their visits coincided, even for a short time.

So, I will try to post more often. Things seem to be in a slight lull, and I’m enjoying the break. I hope you’re enjoying your summer as well.

Photo courtesy of Flickr.com/Cavin

Life’s Too Short to Miss the Big Picture

2010-06-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like life is getting the best of you? Do you routinely question if this is really all there is? Do you wish you had more time and energy to focus on family, friends and other important, worthwhile ventures? If you’re a GenSandwicher, you could probably answer yes to all those questions. Don’t miss the big picture—life ahead looks good!

Day-to-day life responsibilities, coupled with the ordinary consequences for each decision, create stress upon stress if we let it pile up. The world is crying for relief—for something more. Life coach and author Steve Diggs’ latest release, Life’s Too Short to Miss the Big Picture, challenges readers to focus on making each day count for something important.

With seventy short Life Note chapters Diggs shares small dragon-slaying habits each reader can develop to see big long-term results. With chapter titles like “Eat Your Problems for Breakfast” and “Stop Petting Piranhas,” the author delivers single takeaway points with humor and honesty. Reading a Steve Diggs book is like having your own personal cheerleader. Each chapter is an energy bite filled with enough insight and nourishment to last the entire day.

Fiction Friday: Life in Defiance

2010-06-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Mary DeMuth concludes the Defiance Texas Trilogy with this, the 3rd book. In the first book, Daisy Chain, young Daisy Chance disappears. Her friend, Jed Pepper, feels guilty for abandoning her and Daisy’s mother, Emory Chance, blames him. In A Slow Burn, Emory tries to find Daisy’s murderer as questions regarding Daisy’s death continue to mount. And Hixon, the gentle handyman, continues to love Emory.

The final book, Life in Defiance, is told from Ouisie Pepper’s point of view. We see more clearly the domestic abuse she endures from her husband, the pastor of a local church. In her desire to become the wife and mother Hap demands, Ouisie studies a book on being a good Christian wife and even meets the author. But it doesn’t help her desire to escape through drinking nor does it quell her fears. Meanwhile, she believes she knows who killed Daisy, but she lacks the courage to tell anyone. Life in Defiance is a satisfying end to this trilogy. It’s deep, poignant, and redemptive. Another great read.

Transitions for Our Kids

2010-06-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

Our DS and DIL bought a home. Their first. Hubby and I drove down to southern CA a week ago Thursday to help them move. We spent Friday at their apartment finalizing packing and cleaning there. They were supposed to get the keys to the house at 3:30 on Saturday, but the seller didn’t leave until 9:00! That meant that the carpet cleaners DS had hired had to be canceled and he ended up with a service that cost twice the price, scheduled for Sunday morning. Since it was a holiday weekend, his choices were limited, and since the previous owner had a big, hairy dog, carpet cleaning was of first importance. The second service never showed and no one answered the 800-number. I was able to email from our hotel, and DS finally got a call, but no carpet cleaners. He called a third service, which arrived about 2:00, putting us almost 24-hours behind on a tight schedule.

While the carpet was being cleaned, we moved boxes and boxes and boxes into the garage. The next day we moved all the furniture into the house, with a lot of help from DS’s friends. Since then we’ve cleaned and cleaned and scrubbed and scrubbed. A couple of DIL’s friends were champs at cleaning the kitchen and a particularly awful bathroom. I’ve developed a repetitive stress injury from scrubbing grunge from the aluminum window frames, washing windows darkened by smog, and scrubbing the kitchen from head to toe. (Wish my house was so clean!) I’ve spent the past several days unpacking the dozens and dozens of boxes of kitchen stuff while DIL went back to work. (Tried to get her to let me go to work, but no, I had to stay and unpack.) It’s been quite a process. I’ll unpack and arrange things where she thought she wanted them, and then she’ll come home from work and rearrange it all. But at least this way she can see how things fit and it’s saving her more time and energy than she even realizes.

We’re blessed to have kids who want us to be part of this process, and they’re blessed to have parents who have the time and inclination to help. DS in particular has valued the advice of parents who have owned a fixer-upper for years. Mom and Dad have both been able to share ideas, advice, and admonitions. The range of his new responsibilities is dawning on him as he realizes what he doesn’t know. On the other hand, he’s done an amazing job of tackling projects I didn’t think he could handle. These are the joys of parenting young adults, being able to help while at the same time letting go and enjoying an adult relationship with them.

Unfortunately, in the busyness of all of this, the other side of my sandwich has been neglected. I’ve only called Mom a couple of times while we’ve been here. Fortunately, my brother was able to spend the long weekend with her, so she’s been well cared for. But while I love my life, I continue to feel smooched.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons/vieuxbandit

Neuropathy Caregiver Blog

2010-05-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

I just discovered a new blog for caregivers of neuropathy patients. Since my mom has peripheral neuropathy (PN), I was excited to find it. It’s run by Angela Macropoulos, an attorney who also cares for her mother with PN. Unfortunately she’s only written one post, but the comments are priceless. I hope she’ll continue. She’s certainly hit a nerve.

Question Regarding Insurance

2010-05-18T00:08:00.000-07:00

Usually I share either my experiences or information I’ve gathered. Today I need your help. I’ve just been made aware of an insurance policy my mom bought in the 1990s, before I had inserted myself into her finances. She thought she had spent about $16,000 to buy a $40,000 life insurance policy. I never did understand why she paid in advance or that much, but as I say, I wasn’t involved in her finances.

Today we learned that it is a Universal Life policy. As I understand it, the company uses her prepayment to pay for the monthly insurance cost. That somehow translates into a policy balance, which decreases monthly. Because of the low interest rates in the past years (they say), the value has deceased more than expected and she will have no value left in a couple of years. AND no death benefits!

Does anyone know anything about Universal Life policies? I know she didn’t understand what she was buying – I barely understand it. She thought she was simply buying a life insurance policy. Do we have any recourse? Was the agent ethical selling this policy to a 77-year-old woman? Help!

Photo Courtesy of © Flickr Creative Commons/alancleaver

What’s Next for You?

2010-05-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Are you ready to graduate? Robert and Patricia Gussin thought they were ready to retire. Both had enjoyed successful careers as corporate execs for a pharmaceutical company. They had raised their family. They had survived years of mind-numbing commutes. When Robert reached the company’s mandatory retirement age, they began to invent themselves.

Patricia began writing novels. Robert also tried his hand at writing. This led to starting a publishing company. Then on a trip to New Zealand, they fell in love with the land and purchased a vineyard. Meanwhile, they spent quality time with their children and grandchildren. Banishing the word retirement, they decided that instead they had graduated – progressed with a focus on continuing to be productive. The result was a delightful book: What’s Next … for You? The Gussin Guide to Big Changes, Big Decisions, and Big Fun.

I grabbed this book on my way out the door for a planning retreat to once again try to figure out my life. I get so confused. I love the work I do and can’t imagine retiring. My husband, on the other hand, retired years ago and is content to putter. I have to balance my desire to continue building my business with the reality of my age and our stage in life. Until I read this book, I wasn’t able to make a firm commitment in any direction. It was exhausting.

I loved the zest for life these two show. It’s a happy book. They clearly love what they do – all of it. Their enthusiasm was contagious. And it gave me a new way of looking at my life. I don’t have to have a 40+ hour per week job. I can dabble in a variety of things – which is what I’ve been doing. Working. Going to school. Focusing on family. Traveling. Caring for Mom. I’ve felt so fragmented. After reading this book, I made peace with my life. I have a new joy, a new freedom, and a new direction. I’m more content than I’ve been in years. And the delightful result is that I’ve been more productive!

If you’re trying to figure out how to manage this season of life, may I suggest What’s Next…For You?

9 ‘Harmless’ Habits That Age You

2010-05-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

OK GenSandwichers, are you feeling your age? I sure am, and more than that, I’m beginning to look my age. Not something I’m excited about. Today we video-chatted with our son. I’m sure it was partially the computer camera, but I couldn’t help notice the increased wrinkles and creases in my face and the sag that’s developing in my chin. I’ve never been very concerned about my appearance. I try to look nice, but I don’t spend a lot of time or money on beauty preps. But lately I’m wondering if it’s time to pay attention…

This article lists nine ways that we contribute to our own aging – and I’m guilty of most of them. What about you?

Happy Mothers Day

2010-05-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

I want to honor every mother among my readers today, especially you Gen Sandwichers who are mothering both children and parents. It’s so easy to feel smooshed when you’re in that position. You’re juggling car pools and medical appointments, homework and housework. You may manage finances not only for your own family, but also for your aging parents. Some of you manage to hold down a job outside the home as well. You live on too little sleep and too much junk food. You put your needs last on that never-ending list. The value you contribute to your families and to society is immeasurable. You are indeed champions. I admire you and I honor you. I hope you’ll be able to take a few minutes for yourself today. I hope your loved ones will honor your as well. You deserve it. I know that God sees every sacrifice you make, and He honors you. Happy Mothers Day and God bless!

Do You Feel your Age?

2010-05-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

I’m always amazed at how young I feel. Although my 62 year old body doesn’t always cooperate, mentally I’m about 35. I find myself confused a lot because my goals and plans are never in sync with my life-stage. I still can’t figure out how I’m old enough to have a 26 year old, even though most of my friends are grandparents. I struggle with work because my goals are those of a person whose whole career lies ahead while I’m on the declining end. And of course, I started grad school a couple years ago. Yep, I’m confused.

Mom is the same way. She still thinks she’s 50 and regularly threatens to drive to Kansas or Idaho or some other place she has friends. Of course, at 89 she barely makes it the bank or Bible study. She gets so frustrated that her body won’t cooperate with her mental age.

I ran across an article that suggests we aren’t unique. Paul Briand at Boomer Angst writes that his perceived age is a lot younger than his drivers license age. What about you? How old are you and how old do you feel?

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto.com

Fiction Friday: A Slow Burn

2010-04-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

Mary DeMuth continues the Defiance Texas Trilogy with this, the 2nd book. In the first book, Daisy Chain, young Daisy Chance disappears. Her friend, Jed Pepper, feels guilty for abandoning her and her mother, Emory Chance, blames him. In this book, Emory tries to find Daisy’s murderer as questions regarding Daisy’s death continue to mount. And Hixon, the gentle handyman, continues to love Emory. Told from Emory’s point of view, this story is about courageous love, the burden of regret, and bonds that never break. Most of all, it is about the power of forgiveness and what remains when shame no longer holds us captive. It is indeed captivating and poignant. Troubling and redemptive. Passionate and gentle. It’s a great read.

The 3rd book, Life in Defiance, will release in May.

A ‘Tsunami’ Is In The Forecast For America’s Aging Population

2010-04-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Bahm, reporting for the Association of Health Care Journalists, predicts a “tsunami” as the aging population is set to overload America’s medical resources. Experts predict that a collision is about to occur between a shortage of professionals and an expanding aging population. The aging baby boomer population will mean that the numbers of those 65 and older will leap from 39 million today to a projected 89 million by the 2050. The jump in population will be even greater for those over 85, the fastest growing population. Their numbers will rise from 4 million today to 20 million in 2050.

This rapidly expanding population of aging Americans will put new demands on areas of medicine such as geriatrics and long-term care, yet the numbers of practitioners in these fields are dropping almost as fast as the numbers of their potential patients rise.
Herbert Sier, associate chief of geriatric medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, said that the Alliance for Aging Research projects that 14,000 more geriatricians are needed to address the needs of the current aging population. Yet numbers in the field, which currently counts 7,600 practitioners, are falling, down 22 percent in the last 10 years. Meanwhile, the culture of geriatric care may be contributing to the shortage of nurses and doctors entering the field. Low pay and practice settings that appear unattractive may be driving away students.

And that doesn’t begin to consider the impact of the rationing predicted as a result of Obamacare.

Photo Credit: iStockPhoto/deanm1974

Trial Trip Update

2010-04-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

I realized that I never closed the loop on the trial trip we took Mom on earlier this month. We did one short excursion in the late morning of the first day, before checking in to the hotel. Had lunch at a place she remembered. She enjoyed that. As soon as we got to the hotel it was naptime. She slept for a couple of hours, then we went down to happy hour and enjoyed a drink. We decided to go to Old Town for a short walk. We had barely crossed the street when she fell – went sprawling. She hurt her knees and head, but thank God, didn’t break anything.

We took her back to the hotel and she slept a full 12 hours. She usually sleeps four to five hours. The next day we made it to one museum, where she refused to use a wheelchair because she thought she was too heavy for us to push. Back for another nap. She went down for happy hour, but was too tired to go to dinner. The next day we went to two museums, where we insisted on the wheelchair. I think she enjoyed it despite fretting that it was too hard for us.

Unfortunately, we decided the first night that we can’t risk the longer trip. We don’t want to be 400 miles from nowhere and have her take a serious fall. Fortunately, we hadn’t mentioned the possibility to her, so she doesn’t know what she’s missing. Meanwhile, we’ll try to do more local trips to keep her feeling like she’s going someplace.

Fiction Friday: Her Mother’s Hope

2010-04-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

Best-selling author Francine Rivers has penned a sweeping and lyrical two-book saga that explores the depths of grace and forgiveness in one of life’s fiercest bonds—the love between mother and daughter.   Near the turn of the twentieth century, fiery Marta Schneider is torn between her father’s declaration that she’ll never be more than a servant and her mother’s encouragement to chase her dreams. Determined to fulfill her mother’s hope, Marta leaves home for a better life. Young and alone, she earns her way with a series of housekeeping and cooking jobs that bring her ever closer to her dream of owning an inn.   Heartbreaking news from home strengthens Marta’s resolve as she moves to England and eventually to Canada. There, she meets handsome Niclas Waltert, a man just as committed as she to forging a better life in a new place. But nothing has prepared her for the sacrifices she must make for marriage and motherhood as she travels first to the Canadian wilderness and finally to the dusty Central Valley of California to raise her family.   Marta’s hope is to give her children a better life, but experience has taught her that only the strong survive. Her tough love is often misunderstood, especially by her oldest daughter, Hildemara Rose, who craves her mother’s acceptance. Amid the drama of World War II, Hildie falls in love and begins a family of her own. But unexpected and tragic events force mother and daughter to face their own shortcomings and the ever-widening chasm that threatens to separate them forever.

I loved this book, as I do all of Francine’s books, although it seemed more narrative than her other books. Sadly, I saw many similarities to my relationship with my own mother. It reawakened my awareness of her childhood wounding and reminded me of her inability to show me love. Our family was similar to the Waltert family, with some children treated roughly (guess who) and others being favored. I’m looking forward the sequel, Her Daughter’s Dream, to see if the conflicts are resolved. It’s a perfect GenSandwich book.

As part of this blog tour, I’m required to post interview questions.

Where do you get your ideas for your plots?
Almost every story I have written since becoming a Christian has come from a question that regards a struggle in my own faith walk. The plot centers around the different ways that question can be answered by “the world” – but the quest is to find God’s answer.

Her Mother’s Hope / Her Daughter’s Dream explores what caused the rift between my grandmother and mother. When my grandmother had a stroke, my mother raced from Oregon to the Central Valley of California to be with her. Grandma died before she arrived. My mother was heart-broken and said, “I think she willed herself to die just so we wouldn’t have to talk things out.” I have wondered since: What causes people (even Christians) to hold grudges? What might have brought resolution and restoration to these two women? Could my grandmother have loved my mother without my mother understanding it? The two books have many personal, family details woven in and I will be sharing this information in my blog.

Tell us about your current work.
I have just completed the second in a set of two books about mother-daughter relationship over four generations. This was intended to be one long novel dealing with the different ways generations have lived out their faith – but became so long it needed to be divided. Her Mother’s Hope was released March 16, 2010. Her Daughter’s Dream will follow in September. There are numerous family and personal details woven into both books and I plan to share those things on my blog. You may find out more about my new book and more by visiting my web site.

PLEASE NOTE: A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services at www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.

Trial Trip

2010-04-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

Mom turns 89 on Saturday. I have class, so I won’t be able to be with her. So we’ll spend a few days with her during the week. Mom loves to travel. She and her hubby had a motor home they used for years, traveling the country. They even drove to Alaska a couple of times. Since he got sick in 2005 she’s had the wanderlust. She wants to “go.” She hasn’t been able to do more than day trips.

To celebrate her birthday, we’ve arranged to take her to a hotel just an hour from her home. It’s a nice place. Nicer than she’s ever stayed in. We arrived at her home today. She’s looking SO tired. I hope she’ll be able to handle the trip and perhaps a few excursions. Looking at her tonight, I’m not sure …

We had hoped this would be a trial run for a longer summer trip. She is longing to go to Kansas, her home before she was married (in 1946). She has four living friend she wants to visit – one in Idaho, one in Wyoming, and two in Kansas. Three are in nursing home and one is barely managing. She’s lost so many friends and these are all that are left. My hubby and I have been trying to figure out if she could manage a road trip of that magnitude. This will be a trial run – without the 300 miles per day. I’ll keep you posted.

Fiction Friday: Songbird Under a German Moon

2010-03-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Tricia Goyer has written another outstanding World War II novel. Perhaps since this is the era when I was born, I find these books compelling. Besides the fact that they're well written, of course.

The year is 1945. The war is over and 21-year-old Betty Lake has been invited to Europe to sing in a USO tour for American soldiers who now occupy Hitler's Germany. The first nights performance is a hit. Betty becomes enthralled with the applause, the former Nazi-held mansion they're housed in and the attention of Frank Witt, the US Army Signal Corp Photographer. Yet the next night this songbird is ready to fly the coop when Betty's new roommate, Kat, turns up missing. Betty soon realizes Frank’s photographs could be the key to finding her. Betty and Frank team up against post-war Nazi influences and wonder if they will find the answers...in each other. But will they have a chance for their romance to sing? The truth will be revealed under a German moon.

Interested in other reviews on the blog tour? You’ll find the schedule here. Want to win a copy of songbird? Leave a comment on Tricia’s blog or send an email through her website CONNECT page and answer this question: What era in history do you wish you'd lived in and why? Earn extra entries by signing up for Tricia's newsletter here, becoming a Fan on Facebook or Tweeting about the contest on Twitter (use hashtag #songbird)!

Social Security Going Bust Faster than Expected

2010-03-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

According to the New York Times, the bursting of the real estate bubble and the ensuing recession have hurt jobs, home prices and now Social Security. This year, the system will pay out more in benefits than it receives in payroll taxes—an important threshold it was not expected to cross until at least 2016, according to the Congressional Budget Office.

It seems that payments have risen more than expected during the downturn, because jobs disappeared and people applied for benefits sooner than they had planned. At the same time, revenues have fallen because there are fewer paychecks to tax. Analysts continue to try to predict the year when Social Security will pay out more than it takes in because they view that threshold as a tipping point — the first step of a long, slow march to insolvency unless Congress strengthens the program’s finances. And how can they since they are already increasing taxes for health care?

As we Boomers hit retirement age, it’s tempting to apply for benefits in hopes of recouping at least some of what we’ve paid in over a lifetime of work. More so if your income has taken a hit from job loss or cutback. Frankly, I don’t expect to collect even a small percentage of what I’ve paid in, even if I were to start collecting now. And our kids will never see what they are paying in now.

When will we learn that we can’t support everyone in the manner in which we’ve become accustomed? Social security was a flawed program based on flawed premises from the beginning. It has created at dependent class of people who haven’t planned well for their retirement, assuming the government would take care of them. (It was never supposed to be more than supplemental income, but quickly morphed into total dependency for many seniors). Its costs have exceeded projections from the beginning and depending on Social Security has reduced self-responsibility in a generation of people. On one hand I’m glad my mom has Social Security, but on the other hand, I know she’s collected far more than she’s paid in. It’s a nice luxury, but can we afford it for our generation? Or do we need to reconsider? What do you think?

It’s a Sad Day for America

2010-03-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

Well, they did it. Lawmakers in DC, paying no mind to the will of the American people, narrowly passed legislation to take over one sixth of the American economy and the heath care of every American. Despite the Democrats’ claims of bipartisanship, it was a Democrat bill all the way, filled with high costs, mandates, limits on our freedom, and a budget-breaking price tag.

What will this mean to you and me? It’s too soon to tell, but we can expect doctors to quit their practices, wait times to increase, and rationing to occur. Our parents will suffer, we will probably suffer more as the bill is implemented and the rationing panels are implemented, and our kids will not only receive less care, but also enjoy less prosperous lifestyles as they pay for this and whatever else this administration has in mind for us.

Let’s keep the faith. Let’s pray. Let’s continue to follow the American way. Let’s continue to teach our children this history of this nation. Let’s not get sucked into the entitlement mentality. This America and it isn’t over yet. Consider these words from Congressman Mike Pence:

“Such a blow to freedom can either discourage us to the point of retreat, or motivate us to greater action. Victory may not be ours on this day – but there is another day. As for me, I have not yet begun to fight…. As John Quincy Adams said, “Duty is ours; results are God’s” – now, let us continue to do our duty.”

Physicians Frustrated by Medicare

2010-03-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

Increasingly physicians are being frustrated by Medicare and the witch-hunt for fraud. Many are considering dropping their Medicare and Medicaid patients, which would result in higher profits and less hassle. Most don’t want to do this, but they don’t see many options. For example, here’s a letter by a primary care physician who is ready to drop Medicare. What will he do when the entire system is run by the government?

Other physicians are cost-shifting underpayments from Medicare to private patients. What will they do when the entire system is run by the government?

Meanwhile, the government tries to squeeze even more blood from these medical turnips. According to Human Events, since 2001, the real inflation-adjusted payments to physicians under Medicare Part B have decreased well over 10 percent, and many specialties have seen far greater cuts. These cuts would have been even larger, except that Congress has acted to block the cut every year since 2002. Yet the underlying formula laid out back in 1997 remains unchanged, and the current planned cuts are 21.2 percent for this year, along with about 5-percent cuts for the next few years, all not including inflation. Because of this, many doctors will go out of business and many more will cease to participate in Medicare and Medicaid (where payments are most often tied to Medicare rates) if these cuts occur. If health care reform is, in fact, supposed to increase access to health care AND promote quality care, this downward path is unsustainable. But in Washington, the cost of paying doctors for actually providing care is not being considered as part of reform.

And don’t forget that Medicare is the biggest denier of claims, denying 6.85% of claims in 2007-2008, which is more than other insurer. So who's the most "heartless" now? And why should Americans accept the idea of being forced into a government-run system when, based on documented government experience, they will be more likely to see their claims denied?

Folks, the health care bill will likely come up for a vote this week. Have you made your voice heard? If not, you and your parents will regret it. Soon.

Photo Courtesy of © Flickr Creative Commons/Truthout

Old People, Old Furniture....

2010-03-09T00:17:00.000-08:00

I was at a brunch a while back when one of the older ladies made an interesting comment. She said, “We value old furniture more than we value old people.”

Isn’t that the truth? We have several pieces of valuable antique furniture—several that are older than my mom. I take great care to guard and care for those antiques. I never feel they’re a nuisance. So why do I get irritated in dealing with my mother? She’s just as fragile. Is she as valuable to me? On a difficult day, I confess I wonder. I get frustrated when she won’t do what I tell her. I get annoyed when she’s not willing to change or improve her life.

For example, last time I took her to the doctor, she had low blood pressure. The doctor found a slight irregularity in her heartbeat. He suggested she get a blood pressure machine and monitor herself for a while. Since she’s done that, her blood pressure has skyrocketed. Probably because she’s stressed about it. I try to tell her she’s inducing the spikes. She says she can’t help it. Of course she could if she’d try. So I get annoyed. And feel squished.

The same visit we went to the dermatologist to check out some spots. They were nothing, but Mom told the next doctor that she had been to the “cancer doctor.” Despite the assurances that her bumps were nothing, she had already decided she had skin cancer and no one was going to talk her out of it. I feel squished.

I think I’ll go polish my furniture…

Fiction Friday: All Things Hidden

2010-02-26T00:08:00.000-08:00

What is family integrity worth to you? That’s the question Charlotte Stevenson grapples with in Tricia Goyer’s All Things Hidden, the latest addition to the Home to Heather Creek series by Guideposts.

The ladies are cleaning out the basement of Bedford Community Church when they discover a tattered and yellowed newspaper article. The clipping, published more than a century ago, implicates Charlotte’s great-great-grandfather in the loss of funds intended to help finish building the church. Charlotte has heard stories about the incident through the years, but now it seems the past has come back to haunt her. Is it just her imagination or are people treating her differently now that they think she's descended from a crook? In the midst of raising her grandchildren, she becomes distracted with trying to solve a century-old mystery.

Meanwhile, Sam is spending time with a new girl in town-and is keeping secrets from his grandparents about where they go. Christopher wants to get the story of the alleged theft published in the local paper, and Emily reluctantly partners with a foreign exchange student on a class project and eventually realizes that they're not that different after all.

As old secrets are brought to light, the whole family is reminded that the truth is often more complicated than it seems. It’s a delightful story of small town neighborliness and suspicion, grandparents coping with being parents, teens coming of age, and redemption. It’s a quick read, but it tweaks my small town upbringing. And I love the grandparent protagonists.

The book is only available from Guideposts. Order online or to order just this book (rather than the whole series) call customer service (1-800-431-2344). See other posts on the blog tour here. Want to win all 18 books in the series? Tweet this: Read #AllThingsHidden by @triciagoyer http://ow.ly/14nNd! RT for a chance to win all 18 books in the Home to Heather Creek series!

Fiction Friday: Double Trouble

2010-02-19T01:00:00.000-08:00

With one solved case under her belt, PJ Sugar is ready to dive into her career as a private investigator. Or at least a PI's assistant until she can prove herself to Jeremy Kane, her new boss. Suddenly PJ sees crime everywhere. But is it just in her head, or can she trust her instincts? When she takes on her first official case--house-sitting for a witness in protective custody--Jeremy assures her there's no danger involved. But it soon becomes clear that someone is after the witness . . . and now they're after PJ, too.

Double Trouble is quirky, but fun. At times it was a bit clichéd, but PJ is a captivating protagonist. While on a stake-out, she captures the suspect by throwing doughnut holes. She lives with her wealthy sister, her sister’s new Russian husband, and his Russian parents. Her high school flame has proposed, but is he the one?

Check out the other posts on the blog tour, and visit author Susan May Warren’s Facebook page to enter a humdinger of a contest that ends TOMORROW.

One Grand Prize winner will receive a $150 SUPER SLEUTH prize package that includes:

A brand new iPod Shuffle (perfect for those all-night stakeouts)
A $10 iTunes gift card (we recommend the ALIAS soundtrack)
A $10 Amazon gift card (why yes, they do sell spy pens)
A $10 Starbucks gift card (for fuel, obviously)
A pair of designer sunglasses (be stealthy AND super chic)
A gorgeous scarf from World Market (can also be used as a blindfold, and/or for tying up bad guys)

AND signed copies of both Nothing But Trouble & Double Trouble. (Romance! Danger! Intrigue! Sooo much better than Surveillance for Dummies!)

Fiction Friday: Veil of Fire

2010-02-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

Marlo Schalesky is a consummate storyteller who has woven a tale of suspense, love, and healing in Veil of Fire. In 1894, the small town of Hinckley, Minnesota faced a fire that destroyed the community. As the few survivors begin to piece their lives back together, fear reigns and the citizens persecute the unknown--a being they believe is a ghost lurking in the hills. Things go missing-- a pie, a cart, some beans--and a veiled figure in black has been seen in the shadows. The community is angry and afraid. Only a young orphan is willing to question who or what this being might be. Her discovery shatters the secrets one citizen thought had gone up in smoke.

Schalesky has done a masterful job of maintaining the suspense until the moment the secret is revealed--a skill that eludes some of the best authors. Even though it isn’t new, I loved this book.

The story is based on a real historical event. The fire, one of the worst in history, destroyed six towns including Hinckley and killed 418 people in four hours in Minnesota of 1894.

Looking at Assisted Living

2010-01-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

Today was a landmark day in our family. We looked at our first assisted living facility.

When I arrived at Mom’s, I suggested that we might want to begin looking at what’s available in her town for the next step. She was quite resistant, but I pressed a bit. I’ve been concerned as I’ve talked to her on the phone, and after my brother’s last visit, he emailed to day that he was getting more concerned about her ability to live alone. So, I decided to broach the unbroachable. I kept it low-key. Let’s just look. No commitments. No contracts. Let’s just see what the options are so that I won’t have to make a sudden decision without her input. She finally agreed and I was able to make one appointment for today and one for tomorrow.

Before we went, I read and printed a comprehensive Consumer Checklist from the American Health Care Association and National Center for Assisted Living. Although I didn’t refer to it while we were there, it was very helpful to have read in advance.

Both facilities I called invited us to come for a meal. The director took us on a tour of the facility, and then we enjoyed a light supper in the dining room. We had no staff with us during dinner, so I got bold. I went over to the next table asked the ladies how they liked the facility. They were very gracious and gave me what sounded like an honest assessment –good points and bad points.

Tomorrow we go to another facility. It’s hard to think of Mom living in one room. She’s not there now. I pray she never will be. But I’m preparing for the worst. Preparing is a good thing.

How are you preparing?

Photo Credit: PicApp.com

When I Grow Up...

2010-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I’m in grad school. Yep. Grad school. Have been for a couple of years, one class at a time. I’m absolutely loving it. I started a new class on Saturday. The prof broke us into small work groups. I’m in a group with three delightful people who are young enough to be my kids. One of the get-acquainted questions was, “What do you want to be doing in 10 years?”

Ten years?!?! In ten years I’ll be 72! While these young people all had their career goals, I’m thinking of the Kaiser commercial that runs in our area. It features all of these scrappy old women doing delightfully active things and singing, “When I grow up I want to be an old woman…” It’s a fun commercial, celebrating the positive side of aging for positive people.

This whole exercise was just another in a series of disconnects I’ve experienced this year. For example, at the New Years Day party, I was clearly in a “different” space. Most of the women have already retired and the men who are still working were counting the days. Meanwhile, I had just finished my annual goals and was bouncing with excitement. I’ve increased my goals in just about every area—personal, professional, spiritual… I’m so excited about what 2010 will bring. I feel 35 and can’t quite wrap my mind around the idea that I’m 62 and should be slowing down.

I suppose that part of that is that I didn’t have an active professional career. I stopped working at my apex and spent the next 18 years home schooling. I loved it and wouldn’t have traded it for anything. But I guess part of me thinks I missed something and by golly, I’m making up for it now! Or maybe I’m just in round two.

I have a friend who tells me to act my age. I guess I just forget what that is. Does anyone else experience this? Or am I the only one?

Photo Credit: PicApp.com

Slow Down, You're Moving Too Fast...

2010-01-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed this article on the TenderLovingEldercare.com blog about slowing down for our elderly parents. I was noticing this just morning as I talked to mom. I was in the middle of a work project and preoccupied. Mom is hard of hearing, especially on the phone. I find that I talk too fast. She doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t usually say anything. I catch on when she answers the wrong question. Then I have to repeat it all, slower.

It’s the same when I’m there. I’m usually there for two days, with travel days on either end. While I’m there, we schedule several doctors’ appointments. I deal with any of her finances or other paperwork. Meanwhile, I’m trying to stay on top of whatever I can from here. I feel like I’m running the whole time. I often feel frantic as I rush to manage everything, and seldom take time to just sit and visit.

I forget that Mom is 88. That my time with her is limited. We’ve never had a great relationship so I tend to “do my duty” rather than trying to get to know someone I’ve never really known and have little hope of knowing. In my hopelessness, I move too fast. Talk too fast. Expect too much. When my brother comes, he sits and talks with her. Rubs her feet. Cooks her meals. Listens. I really need to take a different attitude. Yep, I do. Sounds like another New Year’s resolution to me.

Photo Credit: PicApp.com

Of Goals and Clutter

2010-01-07T23:28:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is, January 7. When I set my goals for the year, one was to be much more consistent in keeping this blog up to date. And here we are… OK, today is the first day of my blogging year.

On December 31st, I finally had an empty house. I had planned on going out for a retreat day, but the weather was cold, the library was closed, and the house was snug, so I told hubby to pretend I wasn’t there. I had a wonderful retreat right here on my comfy sofa.

I always like to take time to review the previous year and plan for the New Year. This year, after the tumultuous year 2009 was for so many (including us), I had great expectations for 2010. As I reviewed and prayed, I began to feel a sense of expectancy. Then joy. Then anticipation. I wrote. I planned. I prayed some more. I set goals. Lots of them. I felt 35 and on the verge of new life.

Later, as I headed out for a walk (one of my goals) I saw this on the tree in our front yard. I love January in California, where the buds appear within a week of Christmas. As I walked over to examine the new growth, I recognized my life – fresh buds, surrounded by last year’s leaves. Dead, dry leaves. Stubborn leaves that had not succumbed to the winds and the rains. Leaves that were contributing absolutely nothing to the task of the tree for this new season.

This has been a problem I’ve faced for most of my life – the fear of letting go of that which no longer brings or has life. I have a lot of projects that are unfinished. Projects that probably should be abandoned. But, what if… what if I could resuscitate them? What if I could repurpose them? So they cling to the branch of my life, cluttering and crowding out the new growth.

This year, as I face the fact that at 62 with an aging mother who needs ever more help, I need to be ever more strategic if I’m going to age successfully and well, I must also face the fact that my life is cluttered and the clutter has to go if I"m to finish well. When I had walked my 5000 steps, I came home a eliminated some of the more unattainable and over-reaching goals from my list. And on the 2nd, I spent the day cleaning my office. Clutter, you must go this year! New growth, blossom and thrive!

(BTW, I still feel 35 and on the verge of new life. I’m just going to try to be a little smarter as I go.)

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T00:12:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it’s 2010? Just 10 years ago we spent the evening watching the new millennium cross the world time zones and breathing a sigh of relief when Y2K didn’t take out Europe or the East Coast. Our son was in a high school debate league, so we celebrated with a group of home school friends by taking turns doing impromptu speeches. Not your typical New Year’s Eve celebration, but it seemed to fit the crazy mood of the year.

This year we are home, just hubby and I. We enjoyed crab, champagne, and a movie. The kids left yesterday after spending five wonderful days with us. They flew out last night and had today to prepare for their new tradition: a New Year’s Day chili party. Throughout DS’s years at home, we celebrated the New Year at a hot dog party with friends from our single years. The kids would spend the day watching movie after movie, a rare treat designed to keep them quiet while the adults caught up on a year’s worth of life. Now DS and DIL are creating their own tradition with friends from their single years. And we’ll be eating hot dogs with some “very old (but very dear) people.” Life goes on.

Whether your 2009 was wonderful or terrible, I pray that 2010 be many times better. Decide now that you will love and live life. Every minute of it. Blessings!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T02:35:00.000-08:00

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it…. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God -- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:1-6, 10-14)

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you. May you be blessed with family, friends, joy, health, and most of all, the love of Jesus, the Incarnate One.

Christmas Tree Memories

2009-12-21T01:52:00.000-08:00

Putting up the Christmas tree has never been my favorite task. In fact, next to taking it down, it’s one of my least favorites. I confess: I’m not a fan of Christmas. Not that I don’t love the carols and lights and even the gifts. But our family and friends have bought in to the American dream Christmas—lots of gifts, lots of entertaining, lots of money, and lots of time. And in the process, I think we miss the Reason for the season. I know that my problem is that I run so fast in my normal life that adding the demands of Christmas stretches my energy and as I get older, my health. So I think that the task of putting up the tree is symbolic of all I dislike about the season.

When DS was living with us, he loved decorating the tree and from the time he was old enough to help, he took on more and more of the responsibility. But now he’s gone and it hardly seems worth the effort. Except that he and dear DIL are coming home for Christmas and they will appreciate it. And expect it.

But this year, I took time to reflect on the meaning of the ornaments—the memories—and the task became so much more tolerable. We’ve always decorated only with ornaments that have special meaning. In the early years my dear MIL made most of our ornaments. She was a crafty one and every year had a new project – needlepoint, beading, lace, wood. She did good work and our tree always had a unique look to it. As I hung those on tree, I thought of her and all she did for us. Yes, sometimes she was annoying, but her heart was good and we miss her. After her death we inherited the traditional ball ornaments that she used on her tree. I had always steadfastly avoided purchased balls, but these are from the 40s and 50s. They remind me of ornaments we had on my childhood tree. Now they hold places on honor on the tree. Memories.

When DS was little, we made a photo ornament of him every year. As I carefully placed them on the tree, I remembered the joy and delight of my little one. He was so cute! Memories. Then came the vacation souvenirs. The reindeer from Montana; the whale from Hawaii; the ceramic animals and straw angels from Mexico; the turtle from the Cayman Islands…. Each one brought back fond memories of precious family times.

Last came the nativity scene. I placed it in its place of honor beneath the tree, surrounded by dozens of angels. Most of the angels also have a story. There are the small fabric angels from a church tea I used to attend. There are the lace angels made by dear MIL. And the lighted porcelain angel that MIL gave me the last year she was with us. So many memories….

We finished the tree, turned down the room lighting, and turned on the tree lights. The little white lights that remind me of Disneyland. The tree almost sang of love and memories Ah, Christmas….

Health Care Vote Scheduled

2009-12-19T01:00:00.000-08:00

Harry Reid has scheduled a cloture vote on his 2000+ page health care bill for – get this – 1:00 AM on Monday, December 21. This after violating the Senate rules on Wednesday when he stopped the reading of the amendment offered by Senator Bernie Sanders. This after closed door meetings with President Obama and recalcitrant Democrats. And what does the bill include now? Who knows? Even Senator Reid doesn’t know. And what will it cost? Who knows? CBO might get it scored by Monday, but can we trust their numbers? Republicans suggest perhaps not. Who will it cover? Who knows? Will it include a public option or coverage for abortion? Who knows?

There’s a huge rush to get this bill passed before Christmas? Why? Who knows? Why the need for a 1:00 am session? Are they hoping the opposition will oversleep? Who knows? The Democrat panic over this bill is palpable as they have refused any Republican input and as they continue to ignore the wishes of the people – at least 56% of whom prefer that Congress do nothing.

This Congress is out of control and in panic mode. Yes, we do need health care reform, but not via a bill that even the author hasn’t seen. This is still America! If you have an opinion, let it be heard before 1:00 am Monday.

Personally, I'm feeling smooshed.

Photo Credit: PicApp.com

Fiction Friday: Shattered Justice

2009-12-18T01:22:00.000-08:00

Shattered Justice by my friend, Karen Ball, isn’t what I’d call Christmas reading, but it is deep, profound, and well written. Buy it for Christmas and read it in January. Karen is one of the best fiction editors in the business, and obviously a great writer as well.

In response to a tragedy in his life, Dan Justice becomes the deputy sheriff the small town of Sanctuary, Oregon, a sleepy village where everyone seems to know everyone else. His children gradually adapt and the family reaches out to a troubled youth. There is even a hint of romance. Then tragedy strikes again, challenging Dan’s fragile faith and sending him into a dark fog. How can he overcome this latest blow to his life? Can Dan find sanctuary in the light of God’s justice?

This book is the first in The Family Honor Series trilogy. I just picked up the second book, A Test of Faith. Can’t wait to read it!

Is Home Care the Answer?

2009-12-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

As Mom’s ability to care for herself at home continues to decrease, one option I’ve been considering is home care. It seems like the perfect intermediate solution between self-sufficiency and assisted living. Having someone come in for a few hours per week or even a few hours per day to help with cooking, cleaning, and personal care would relieve a lot of my concerns. The Boston offers a helpful fact sheet on home care – how to find help, evaluate employees, and pay for the care. Useful reading.

Of course, convincing Miss Independent to accept help is another question. I haven’t figured that one out yet. And the Dems are messing with the Medicare home care option, so we may not have it for long. Always one more challenge...

Photo: PicApp.com

Fiction Friday: Fossil Hunter

2009-12-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

Fossil Hunter, by my friend John Olson, is a wonderful combination of 24, Indiana Jones, and Expelled. When paleontologist Dr. Katie James leads an expedition to search for an ancient whale fossil rumored to be in the Iraqi desert, she has no idea that her archrival, Nick Murad, will be searching for the same fossil. But then Katie makes a groundbreaking discover and is forced to collaborate with Nick to analyze the find before its destroyed by a fundamentalist government faction.

When Nick and Katie’s initial results fly in the face of current scientific theory, it seems the whole world turns against them, including those they thought they could trust. Then the fossil disappears, sending Nick and Katie on a chase that could cost them their reputations, their careers, and even their lives.

Set in contemporary Iraq and in the midst of the intelligent design debate, this book will keep you on the edge of your seat page after page. The characters are round and well developed and the plot is fast moving with more twists and turns than a roller coaster.

Squeezing Good Out of Bad

2009-12-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

Is your life filled with lemons? Perhaps your life is fine, but someone you know is going through hard times. For example, two families in our small group have been forced to sell their homes in this down market. Another has a son in jail. I just learned today that my brother-in-law was laid off last week. And my brother expects to lose his job by the end of the year. My mom has been sick since Thanksgiving. Yep, times are tough for GenSandwichers and just about everyone else. And by all projections, getting tougher.

My friend James Watkins has written a simple little book to offer hope and humor in the midst of the lemons. He shares the top ten ways to squeeze the good out of those life-puckering situations. And Jim is a great guide since he's felt the squeeze of cancer, unemployment, family crises and chronic nose hair. Join him on the journey of making lemonade with hope and humor. You can buy a hard copy or download an electronic version at his website OR, if you’re unemployed, he’s offering a free download!

Can You Find a Medicare Physician?

2009-11-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

As our elected representatives rush toward national health insurance, I keep reading reports of physicians opting out of Medicare. I’m not surprised – Medicare pays physicians considerably less than their costs. Yes, the government expects physicians to lose money providing medical care.

"Government payers, without question, are the worst payers in health care," said John Rivers, president of the Arizona Hospital and Healthcare Association. "Medicare shortfalls in hospital payments represent nearly $1 billion in Arizona alone. And those costs ultimately get shifted onto the backs of privately insured individuals in the form of a hidden health-care tax." As a result, the five physicians at the Mayo Clinic in Arrowhead, AZ practice will stop taking Medicare payments for primary-care services, effective Jan. 1, 2010. This will affect about 3,000 seniors. Five doctors have practices at the clinic. Multiply this across the nation and you get an idea of the impact of the monopoly the government already has on health care. This impact will increase over the next few years as the first of the Baby Boom generation, estimated at more than 78 million, begins to turn 65 in 2011 and qualifies for the nation's largest insurance program for seniors. The Medicare Board of Trustees has predicted that the program will be bankrupted by 2017.

This trend is exacerbating another equally disturbing trend. There is a shortage of internists nationally — the American College of Physicians, the organization for internists, estimates that by 2025 there will be 35,000 to 45,000 fewer than the population needs — and internists are increasingly unwilling to accept new Medicare patients.

So here’s the question: have you or your aging parent had difficulty in finding a Medicare physician? If so, how have you solved the problem?

Photo credit: PicApp.com

Fiction Friday: Love Finds You in Lonesome Prairie, Montana

2009-11-27T00:53:00.000-08:00

After reviewing a number of high-tension books recently, it was fun to read Love Finds You in Lonesome Prairie, Montana by Tricia Goyer and Ocieanna Fleiss. If you need a book to simply escape for a while, this is it. It’s 1889 and Julia Cavanaugh travels west on the orphan train from New York City to unite orphans in her care with new families. To her horror, she discovers that she's to be "delivered," too—as bride to an uncouth miner! But with no return fare, Julia's options are bleak.   What does God have planned for her on the lonesome prairies of Montana?

Reminiscent of the early Jeanette Oke historical novels, Lonesome Prairie is a sweet, but predictable story. The conflicts are simple rather than life and death. But all in all, it’s an enjoyable and entertaining read.

The authors, Tricia and Ocieanna, have put together one humdinger of a contest for this blog tour! Enter the Fall in Love With Lonesome Prairie Contest and WIN a perty Montana Gift Basket! To enter, simply fill out the entry form, (then tell 5 or more friends about the contest)! The winner will be announced December 14th, just in time for an old-fashioned Montana Christmas. Giddy-up!

The Winner of our ‘Fall in Love with Lonesome Prairie’ giveaway will receive a fantastic Montana Gift Basket, including:

*Winter fleece throw
*Huckleberry chocolate bar
*Paula Dean candle
*Burt’s Bees gift set
*Wild Huckleberry taffy
*Montana stationary notebook
*Montana greeting card set
*Montana ball cap
*Montana apron
*Montana refrigerator magnet
*Charlie Russell 2010 Montana Calendar

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T13:46:00.000-08:00

I'm wishing all of my loyal readers a blessed Thanksgiving today. What are you thankful for today? I’m thankful for:

Jesus, who redeemed me and has given me 34 years of hope
Family, especially a wonderful husband, son and daughter-in-love
America, and the opportunities we still have to live in freedom and prosper
Our Constitution, which provides the framework for freedom.
Abundance, even in this time of recession
A ministry where I see lives changed with great regularity
The opportunity to finally go to seminary!

I pray that whatever your situation today, you will find a way to praise and thank our Heavenly Father for his many benefits. We are still more blessed than any other nation on earth.

Fiction Friday: One Perfect Day

2009-11-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Christmas, my friend Lauraine Snelling, weaves an emotional tale of two mothers, each a stranger to each other, whose lives are changed forever in a single moment.

Nora Peterson is determined to make this Christmas perfect. Next year her twin teenagers will head off to college. Their lives will never be the same. With her husband on a business trip abroad Nora’s nerves are already frazzled when she received news of an auto accident that will not only change the Petersons’ lives forever, but also those of another family whom they’ve never met.

As a nurse, Jenna Montgomery has always struggled with balancing her personal and professional life. Her daughter, Heather, has suffered from a heart defect for most of her life. Now that Heather is twenty and still on the organ transplant list, Jenna must find a way to accept that this is likely their last Christmas together. Then the miracle Jenna has desperately prayed for becomes a reality in an instant and Heather’s health is restored.

While Nora struggles with depression and grief, Jenna discovers that miracles aren’t always easy to receive. As a mother myself, I resonated with the emotions of both mothers in this story—the joys, the sorrows, the worry. It’s a delightful book, especially for this season.

I Feel Whiny

2009-11-18T23:28:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel whiny when dealing with your aging parents? I’m in such a season right now. We were at Mom’s for four days last week. In addition to the usual medical appointments, we dealt with a variety of issues around the house. Calls she has postponed making for at least two months. Paperwork she didn’t know what to do with. Plumbing problems. TV problems. Took a small pile of “stuff” to Goodwill. All in all, it was a busy week. When we got home, Hubby and I were exhausted and of course, way behind on our work.

Add to that Mom’s constant talking about the wonderful sibs who don’t do much for her. It’s a replay of my childhood – do the work, but the others are the favorites. Especially the boys. She had pulled a scrapbook from the first twenty or so years of her marriage, which I read through. It confirmed many of my memories of being the “responsible” one while she became less and less capable as life got more difficult. That triggered a lot of negative feelings.

Tonight when I talked to her, she commented on how my (poor) brothers can’t help much because they work, after all. Hello! I work and go to school. And live the farthest away! But because I’m self-employed, my work isn’t really work. Excuse me? I probably put in more work hours than the brothers, plus school.

Mom has lots of aches and pains that doctors keep trying to address. The reality is that they’re probably more emotional than physical. But if a doctor does something that doesn’t work, or heaven forbid, makes things worse – guess who gets blamed?

OK, I know I’ve never been the favorite – or even 4th favorite. And I know that she’s beginning to skip a mental beat more and more often. And I know that she doesn’t have the social skills and emotional maturity to realize what she’s doing or how it hurts. But darn, I’m tired. I’m discouraged. I’m whiny. I’d just like someone to say, “Good job. Thanks.” I’ll be better tomorrow. I hope….

Photo: PicApp.com

Fiction Friday: Lost Mission

2009-11-13T01:16:00.000-08:00

Provocative. Penetrating. Painful. Lost Mission by Athol Dickson is haunting story that will remain with you long after you’ve read the last page.

What secret legacy awaits deep beneath the barrios and wealthy enclaves of Southern California? In a story that spans from the late 1770s to the present time, we meet:

A Spanish friar compelled to bring the gospel to the Indians of New Spain
An illegal immigrant desperate to feed his family.
A billionaire driven mad by grief.
A pastor in love with the wrong woman.

Only Lupe de la Garza, a humble shopkeeper compelled by God to leave her tiny village deep in Mexico to preach in America, can save them from the ancient evil lurking in a lost mission's ruins, but it will take an act of faith beyond all human power.

An idyllic Spanish mission collapses in the eighteenth century atop the supernatural evidence of a shocking crime. Twelve generations later the ground is opened up, the forgotten ruins are disturbed, and rich and poor alike confront the onslaught of resurging hell on earth. Will the evil that destroyed the Misión de Santa Dolores rise to overwhelm them?

This book is a compelling read. I was both captivated and disturbed from beginning to end. The various threads flowed at several levels, playing with my mind and emotions in the midst of a well-written story. But I realized that Dickson had used the ploy so common in film and fiction today. The protagonist—Lupe—is an illegal alien who broke the law to enter the US in order to preach Catholicism based on an icon to pagan, Protestant America. The Christians in the story are stereotypical--a wealthy man whose grief-decisions are characterized as greedy and a young pastor who breaks the law to serve illegals. I found that approach disturbing and left the book feeling manipulated.

See the other entries on this blog tour at Litfuse.com

But Can You Find a Doctor?

2009-11-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday night in a rare special session, the Democrat-led House of Representatives passed the Pelosi health care bill in by a slim margin of 220 to 215. This bill, if passed by the Senate, will allow the government to take over approximately one sixth of the American economy. However, that’s not the whole story.

Have you tried to get a doctor for a Medicare patient lately? Increasingly I’m hearing of people having problems even finding a doc who will take Medicare. And if you can’t find a doc, what good will even the best medical insurance do you? A friend experienced this recently. After years of having no health care, she finally got Medicare through Social Security disability. We were thrilled--until she tried to find a physician. You see, since Medicare pays only 80 cents on the dollar, physicians lose money treating Medicare. If they have limited hours available, expensive malpractice insurance, a huge office staff necessary to process the Medicare and insurance requirements… who will they fill a slot with? Since there’s already a physician shortage in many parts of the country, can you blame them for making the best business decisions they can? But if things are bad now, the health care bill will make it worse.

Dr. Herbert Pardes, president and CEO of New York-Presbyterian Hospital, wrote an excellent Wall Street Journal article called The Coming Shortage of Doctors: Our aging population is challenge enough. Try to get an appointment after health-care reform. He mentions several critical points:

• If the doctor shortage is not addressed and health-care reform is signed into law, millions of Americans will likely find themselves able to obtain insurance for the first time—but may be unable to find a doctor without a long delay. Why? Because expanding the number of insured patients but not the number of doctors will only increase the demand for services that already must meet the demands of an aging population.

• Even in the absence of health-care reform, according to the American Association of Medical Colleges, the U.S. will face a shortage of at least 125,000 physicians by 2025, when the number of people over 65 will have increased by about 75% of what it is today—to 64 million from 37 million today.

• Doctors are also aging. By 2020, as many as one-third of the physicians currently practicing will likely retire.

I wish our esteemed lawmakers would understand the problem before they try to “fix” it!

Photo: PicApp.com

Let Your Voice Be Heard. Today

2009-11-06T12:06:00.001-08:00

Fiction Friday: The Missionary

2009-11-06T01:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday David Eller was an American missionary serving the poor in Venezuela. Today he's an international fugitive.

If you like 24 or Alias, you’ll love The Missionary by William Carmichael and David Lambert. It’s a novel of international espionage with a Christian twist. And it’s a real page-turner.

David Eller rescues impoverished children in Caracas, Venezuela, with his wife, Christie. But for David, that isn't enough. The supply of homeless children is endless because of massive poverty and the oppressive policies of the Venezuelan government.

When the CIA gives David an opportunity to do something more-to heal the disease rather than working on the symptoms-he decides to go for it. But little by little, he falls into an unimaginable nightmare of espionage, ending in a desperate, life-or-death gamble to flee the country with his wife and son.

Was he wrong to resort to the political solution?
And was it really the CIA that asked him to get involved?

Reading Guide to the Pelosi Health Care Reform Bill

2009-11-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Mike Pence is running for Congress in the 6th District of Indiana. He may be one of the few politicians who has actually read the 1990 page Pelosi health “reform” legislation (H.R. 3962) introduced by House Democrats. The following notes were posted on his Facebook page. Today the AMA and AARP endorsed this bill. Speaker Pelosi has scheduled a vote for Saturday morning. Is this the bill you want for yourself, your parents, and your children? Forever? If not, please contact your Representative today.

Page 94—Section 202(c) prohibits the sale of private individual health insurance policies, beginning in 2013, forcing individuals to purchase coverage through the federal government.

Page 110—Section 222(e) requires the use of federal dollars to fund abortions through the government-run health plan—and, if the Hyde Amendment were ever not renewed, would require the plan to fund elective abortions.

Page 111—Section 223 establishes a new board of federal bureaucrats (the “Health Benefits Advisory Committee”) to dictate the health plans that all individuals must purchase —and would likely require all Americans to subsidize and purchase plans that cover any abortion.

Page 122—Section 233(a)(3) requires the Commissioner—the new insurance “czar”—to “issue guidance on best practices of plain language writing”—this from the same people who wrote a 1,990 page health care bill.

Page 183—Section 305(a) gives the Commissioner the power to enlist “appropriate entities” like Planned Parenthood and ACORN to engage in “outreach to specific vulnerable populations” about the bill’s new programs.

Page 211—Section 321 establishes a new government-run health plan that, according to non-partisan actuaries at the Lewin Group, would cause as many as 114 million Americans to lose their existing coverage.

Page 216—Section 322(b)(3) prohibits “any federal funds for purposes of insolvency” from being directed toward the government-run health plan—an anti-bailout provision that may seem implausible given Democrats’ role in advancing legislation to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Page 225—Section 330 permits—but does not require—Members of Congress to enroll in government-run health care.

Page 255—Section 345 includes language requiring verification of income for individuals wishing to receive federal health care subsidies under the bill—while the bill includes a requirement for applicants to verify their citizenship, it does not include a similar requirement to verify applicants’ identity, thus encouraging identity fraud for undocumented immigrants and others wishing to receive taxpayer-subsidized health benefits.

Page 297—Section 501 imposes a 2.5 percent tax on all individuals who do not purchase “bureaucrat-approved” health insurance— the tax would apply on individuals with incomes under $250,000, thus breaking a central promise of then-Senator Obama’s presidential campaign.

Page 313—Section 512 imposes an 8 percent “tax on jobs” for firms that cannot afford to purchase “bureaucrat-approved” health coverage; according to an analysis by Harvard Professor Kate Baicker, such a tax would place millions “at substantial risk of unemployment”—with minority workers losing their jobs at twice the rate of their white counterparts.

Page 336—Section 551 imposes additional job-killing taxes, in the form of a half-trillion dollar “surcharge,” more than half of which will hit small businesses; according to a model developed by President Obama’s senior economic advisor, such taxes could cost up to 5.5 million jobs.

Page 520—Section 1161 cuts more than $150 billion from Medicare Advantage plans, potentially jeopardizing millions of seniors’ existing coverage.

Page 733—Section 1401 establishes a new Center for Comparative Effectiveness Research; the bill includes no provisions preventing the government-run health plan from using such research to deny access to life-saving treatments on cost grounds, similar to Britain’s National Health Service, which denies patient treatments costing more than $35,000.

Page 872—Section 1433 requires the director of food services at nursing facilities participating in Medicare and Medicaid to hold “military, academic, or other qualifications” as determined by federal bureaucrats.

Page 1067—Section 1729 requires States to cover incarcerated juveniles previously enrolled in Medicaid after their release “unless and until there is a determination that the individual is no longer eligible.”

Page 1174—Section 1802(b) includes provisions entitled “TAXES ON CERTAIN INSURANCE POLICIES” to fund comparative effectiveness research, breaking Speaker Pelosi’s promise that “We will not be taxing [health] benefits in any bill that passes the House,” and the President’s promise not to raise taxes on families with incomes under $250,000.

Page 1183—Section 1904 provides $750 million in federal funding for a new entitlement program to offer “knowledge of realistic expectations of age-appropriate child behaviors” and “skills [for parents] to interact with their child.” (And this is related to health care how??)

Page 1255—Sections 2231-2235 make veterinary students eligible for up to $283 million in federal scholarship and student loan forgiveness funding. (Why is THIS in this health care bill?)

Page 1432—Section 2531 provides incentive payments to States that enact new medical liability laws—but only if such laws do “not limit attorneys’ fees or impose caps on damages.” (As opposed to the Republican bill that offers serous tort reform.)

Page 1515—Section 2572(b) imposes labeling requirements on all vending machines nationwide, in addition to new mandates by the federal government on all restaurants with more than 20 locations.

Page 1925—Section 3101 creates a new program within the Indian Health Service to provide federal funding for “perpetrators of child sexual abuse who are Indian or members of an Indian household.”

If you would like to read the entire 1,990 pages yourself, you can find the legislation here: (Note: the above notes were posted a few days ago. Page numbers and details may have changed.)

Fiction Friday: The Swiss Courier

2009-10-30T01:47:00.000-07:00

It is August 1944 and the Gestapo is mercilessly rounding up suspected enemies of the Third Reich. When Joseph Engel, a German physicist working on the atomic bomb, finds that he is actually a Jew, adopted by Christian parents, he must flee for his life to neutral Switzerland. Gabi Mueller is a young Swiss-American woman working for the newly formed American Office of Strategic Services (the forerunner to the CIA) close to Nazi Germany. When she is asked to risk her life to safely "courier" Engel out of Germany, the fate of the world rests in her hands. If she can lead him to safety, she can keep the Germans from developing nuclear capabilities. But in a time of traitors and uncertainty, whom can she trust along the way? This fast-paced, suspenseful novel takes readers along treacherous twists and turns during a fascinating--and deadly--time in history.

This book reads like an episode of “24,” (which I love, BTW). It starts out innocently enough, and then like a roller coaster, takes the reader on twists and turns, switchbacks and dead ends. Being impossible to put down, it’s responsible for far too many late nights for this writer. I was particularly impressed with the detailed historical details. It’s well researched, making it feel quite authentic. If you enjoy mysteries, suspense or historical stories, you’ll love The Swiss Courier. I sure hope there's a sequel!

I’m delighted to be part of the Swiss Courier blog tour, sponsored by Litfuse. Check out other tour stops here.

Pelosi Reveals House Health Care Bill

2009-10-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Today House Speaker Nancy Pelosi unveiled the house version of health care reform – all 1990 pages of it. She claims the measure will cover 96 percent of Americans once fully phased in, and it includes the much-debated government option. But it also carries a $1 trillion price tag over 10 years. She expects to bring it to the floor next week. She pays for "reform" by cutting seniors' care, raising costs for small businesses and taxing middle-class Americans. It still covers abortions and probably covers illegal aliens. From a quick skim-through, it looks like it covers everything for everyone while disguising the real cost by moving a huge spending provision ($200 billion) to a stand-alone bill and claiming it's not related to health care reform. The whole bill has been written behind closed doors with no input from Republicans or the American people.

You can download a copy of the bill here. You have until early next week to read it. If you care about your own health care, or that of your parents and children, you need to start calling Washington. Happy reading.

Health Care Bill Being Negotiated in Secret

2009-10-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

Does it bother anyone else that the health care bill is being crafted by three senators and a handful of White House officials, with no input from the Republican leadership? The Washington Times offers an excellent article today exposing the refusal of the Democrats to allow any participation by the Republicans. The closed door approach also leaves out the American people, who will be affected by whatever eventually passes.

Remember how during the campaign, candidate Obama promised the ultimate in transparency? For example, he told a town hall audience in Chester, Va., in August 2008,

"I'm going to have all the negotiations around a big table," "We'll have the negotiations televised on C-SPAN, so that people can see who is making arguments on behalf of their constituents and who are making arguments on behalf of the drug companies or the insurance companies. And so, that approach, I think, is what is going to allow people to stay involved in this process."

Well, that’s not quite what’s happening and whether you voted for him or not, this ought to concern you. So far, the only parties to the Senate discussion are Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada, Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus of Montana, and Christopher J. Dodd of Connecticut, who led the work on the Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee bill. White House officials seen attending the meetings include Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, health care "czar" Nancy-Ann DeParle, and Peter Orszag, director of the Office of Management and Budget. Republican leaders have been summarily uninvited, and no bill has been posted for either the American people or the rest of the Congress to review.

Folks, this is not how government should be conducted. This bill will affect one sixth of our economy and every American (and more than a few illegal’s). If you're my age, the outcome is going to affect you, your aging parents, and your children and grandchildren. It will contain something that everyone will hate, and little that most of us will like. If you agree, be sure to write your representatives and express your outrage. If you are anywhere near the Tea Party route, consider showing up with your sign. You can find a schedule here.

Fiction Friday: Daisy Chain

2009-10-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Daisy Chain is perhaps an unusual book to start off Fiction Fridays. At multiple levels, it isn’t an easy read. It’s complex, literary, and heartbreaking. It’s also a book with more truth than many of us want to believe. It’s a story of many questions, many layers, and few answers. But it’s worth the effort to read.

The location: Defiance, TX.
The year: 1977.

Jed Pepper and Daisy Chance are best friends. In fact, Daisy’s decided that 14-year old Jed is going to marry her. Then she goes missing. Suddenly, immediately after they’ve left their usual meeting place: the church. Jed knew he was late and in trouble, so he didn’t walk her home. Now she’s disappeared and he’s the last one to see her. And her last words were, “You’ll regret it…”

Now he feels guilty. Confused. He’s investigated. Meanwhile, life at home is unpredictable. Unfair. Abusive.

Weeks pass. No word from Daisy. Life goes on. The investigation turns up nothing. Jed copes. Sort of. And he never gives up hope, even when everyone else does.

This book is haunting and challenging, but the complex characters make it well worth the read. My only complaint is that many of the story lines don’t resolve. There are loose ends that will hopefully be addressed in the next two books – and the second one, A Slow Burn, just came out. It’s in my stack and I can’t wait to read it!

Introducing Fiction Friday

2009-10-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve been receiving a lot of fiction books lately, so starting tomorrow, I’m starting something new: Fiction Friday. At the end of a busy week, we all need a respite. I’m finding that reading a chapter or two of fiction refreshes my mind and lets me think about more pleasant things than caregiving, aging, health care, and all the other heavy topics we deal with here. I hope you’ll enjoy some of my reviews and that you’ll be motivated to pick up a good book and relax for a bit.

Photo Credit: PicApp

Time to Sign up for Medicare

2009-10-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

My hubby turns 65 in December and we’re way behind. Between his summer of medical problems, his recent surgery, and caring for Mom, we haven’t even begin to look at his Medicare options. Frankly, we don’t want to. We have good insurance. We’ve had it for 30 years. We like it. We don’t want to change. But apparently he’s required to move to “the government option” at 65, regardless of his choices. So we need to do some quick work, learning the difference between Medigap and Medicare Advantage (which BTW is under attack from Congress and may not be here next year).

Of course, all of this could be a moot point in a year if the Democrat-run Congress has its way. Within a year or so we’ll all be under the public (read: government) option fighting for access to underpaid physicians. And seniors will be the least served as the government takes a reputed $450 billion from Medicare over the next ten years to provide services for a mere 16 million more people, including (yes, Joe Wilson was right), illegal aliens.

But enough whining. What’s your experience? What should we do? What are the stumbling blocks? What do we need to be aware of? I remember the debacle of trying to understand Medicare Part D for my stepdad. Never did really conquer that one. Now we need Parts A, B, and D. And C? And J? I just read Nearly 65? Time for the Medicare Maze and cringed. It’s a good overview, though, and offers links to other helpful resources. Guess I’d better get busy… Help!

Photo Credit: PicApp

Being a Hospital Advocate

2009-10-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

This has been one of those weeks. My hubby had lung surgery on Tuesday. It went well and he came home today. But it’s been a while since I’ve sat at the hospital for a week. Last time was the week before my stepdad passed away. This, of course, was not as intense. The surgery was serious with some unknowns, but all went very well.

One thing I learned (again) is how important it is have a healthy advocate in the room with the patient. I was able to stay aware of all of his meds, treatments, and instructions. He seemed to be groggy and not tracking well for several days. They would tell him something and 20 minutes later he was asking me what he was supposed to do. I’m sure that the anesthesia stays in the system for a few days, but whatever the cause, he really wasn’t tracking.

It’s also important that the healthy person is a little pushy. Assertive. Alert. For example, they had him on a liquid diet for several meals after the doctor had changed him to regular. Somehow the instructions didn’t make it to dietary. He’s diabetic who controls his levels with medications. They were giving him insulin with every meal – meals that were full of carbs and sugar. I was able to advocate for a better diet, get a dietary consult, and get meals substituted. I was able to ask about the meds they were giving him and question why he needed some of them. Or get the one that upset his stomach changed to something else. Yesterday a phlebotomist came in and prepared to draw several vials of blood. The nurse and PT were there, but no one questioned it. I did. Why did they need more blood? After I started asking questions, the nurse asked who had ordered the test and the PT started looking at the paperwork. Oops. Wrong patient…

This is in no way to criticize the care Hubby received. It was generally excellent. He had some amazing nurses and other caregivers. But the reality is that they are very busy. They move fast. They keep a lot in their heads. Errors happen. So it’s up to you to learn all you can and advocate for your loved one.

How do you do that?

Read as much as you can about your loved one’s condition. Some reliable sites for good info include Mayo Clinic, Medline, and WebMD.
Ask questions. If you don’t understand the answer, ask more questions.
Keep good notes. A binder is helpful. You’ll be prone to forget or get confused, especially if your loved one is going to be there for a while or if his case is complex. You may be the only caregiver who has the whole picture.
Write down the names of the people serving you and know what they do. Don’t ask the RN to clean up the mess in the bathroom or the physical therapist to change a medication.
Learn the hospital routines. When are meals served? When does your doctor make rounds? Is there an ice machine or refrigerator with gelatin and puddings that you can get for your loved one? Are they measuring fluids—input and output?

Yes, it's a challenge. But I have faith. You can do it.

Photo: PicApp

Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace

2009-10-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Pearl Girls from Michael J Garvey on Vimeo.

Do you have a situation in your life that's like a grain of sand in your shoe? Something that rubs a blister, then a callous? Most of us GenSandwichers do. Whether it’s caring for our aging parents, worrying about our kidults, or facing the impact of our own aging processes, we seem to have opportunities every day to develop character as we grow in grace. In fact, I spent the day at the hospital with my husband, who had surgery. I'll be there the rest of this week. You know what that does to my schedule and all of the important things I need to do! Just another opportunity to develop patience!

I’ve been reading a wonderful book that offers insights into those grains of sand as they slowly form pearls in the hidden places of our hearts. Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace is a compilation of short stories written by women who've taken their annoying grains of sand and allowed God to turn them into pearls. Edited by Margaret McSweeney, the book features stories by both well-known and little known writers.

As an added incentive, Margaret is donating all proceeds from the book to two charities:

WINGS (women in need growing stronger). The proceeds will help fund a Safe House in the Chicago suburbs. It costs $50 a night to provide safe shelter for a woman and her children. During this economy, WINGS is receiving even more phone calls for a safe place to stay. Already, the Pearl Girls have provided 60 nights with the advance royalties. www.wingsprogram.com  

Hands of Hope. The proceeds will help build wells in Uganda for school children. Can you imagine a child at school without a water fountain in the hallway where he or she can grab a quick sip of water in between classes on a hot day? These children have to drink from puddles and other water sources which carry diseases and parasites. It costs $12,000 to build a well in Uganda. Already, the Pearl Girls have provided funds to build ¼ of a well. www.handsofhopeonline.org

So if you need a bit of inspiration along the way, join me in reading Pearl Girls. You'll gain new perspective on that annoying or even tragic situation in your life.

Here’s a Scary Fact

2009-10-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

Photo: PicApp

While reading Find your Strongest Life last week, I came across a frightening fact. Author Marcus Buckingham says,

“When we multitask, we’re dumber. How much dumber? A recent study for Hewlett Packard exploring the impact of multitasking on performance revealed that the average worker’s functioning IQ drops ten points when multitasking, more than double the four-point drop that occurs when someone smokes marijuana. (The analogy the researchers used is that a ten-point drop in IQ is equivalent to missing one night’s sleep.”

Now that’s a scary thought. When is the last time I didn’t multitask? Isn’t that the definition of a GenSandwicher? I type while on hold. I talk to Mom while cleaning off my desk. I write my blog while watching TV. I click onto email and Facebook far too often when I should be writing or studying. I wonder how smart I’d be if I could focus? And I wonder if there is an age-adjustment? Does my IQ drop even more because I’m over 60? Hmmm. Scary.

Boomer Women Feeling Stuck?

2009-10-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

I guess you’d say I’m in my second career. Or third. Or… who’s counting. What I know is that now that I’m an empty nester and GenSandwicher, my work and my options have changed. The masters degree I received in 1975 was helpful for the years I worked in the field. It did little or nothing for the years I home schooled my son. Now the work I do doesn’t require a degree, but I’m back in school finally studying a passion I didn’t even know about in 1974-75. Am I stronger? I think so. But I still feel I’m missing something. I still wonder what I’m really supposed to do with the rest of my life. Or is it too late to really become someone significant or should just drift through the next 20 or so years? Do you ever feel that way?

That’s why is was excited to be invited to review Marcus Buckingham’s new book, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women do Differently. In fairness to Buckingham, I’m sure his primary audience is young professional women climbing the corporate ladder -- something I gave up on 25 years ago. But he does talk about women who choose to stay at home with their children – something I chose to do 25 years ago. He doesn’t talk a lot about us older women looking for a new direction. Thus, I found myself a little disappointed.

I was also a little confused by what I think was his primary message – the happiest and most successful women follow their passions. OK. And then… In my case, that’s precisely the problem. I have many passions and many things I do well, but also many responsibilities I don’t enjoy but can’t delegate. How to hone that into a 60-something life--that’s my question.

He offers a test at StrongLifeTest to tell you which of nine Life Roles are primary and secondary for you. It’s somewhat useful, although it seems very short and I would have liked to see the actual rankings. I came out Teacher and Creator. No surprise. But in reading the descriptions in the book, I would have liked to know my score on other roles I resonated with or didn’t resonate with. It seems that the point is to find opportunities where I can fill my primary roles and when possible, avoid roles I didn’t score as high on. He also encourages us to be intentional in looking for the lead roles and reframe the moments that don’t bring us passion. Good reminders. Admit it. We often just do what we do because we think we have no choice. Often we do and those are opportunities to grow and change.

But what do I do with Caretaker? I’m sure I scored very low on that one, but that’s much of my life through no choice of my own. I do balance my caretaking with many functions that fall into Teacher and Creator, but for now and for 18 of the past 25 years, Caretaker has been a primary role. And no, I wasn’t always happy or totally fulfilled, but I did manage to find a good life within that role (by being a Teacher and Creator whenever possible--which is his point). While Buckingham encourages that we strive for imbalance, sometimes that just isn’t possible. And when it is possible, is that the best way? My Teacher continues to try to teach my mom a better way to manage her life, but I do it at the expense of just loving and caring for her. Thus, she’s delighted when my brother (the Caretaker) comes to visit, but me, not so much.

So, if you’re unhappy in your life role or trying to reshape your aging years, this book could be useful. It may give you a different way to approach even the unchangeables. And if you have a daughter just starting out, it could save her from some of the mistakes we made.